Admiral Ackbar was Right: "It's a Trap!" Part 33

We've been working on new techniques all night. And we've gotten pretty good. Yesterday I got a bunch of oak throwing knives made for Valentina, and that night we'd taken out at least 5 times as many vampires than we did the night before. And along with all those dead vampires there is all that money. We've been living (or unliving in her case) like royalty. I actually had a big 5 pound block of chocolate yesterday. And it was awesome. I mean AWESOME. Have you ever eaten so much chocolate that your farts smell sweet? I didn't think so. You should try it.

Anyway, I'm pretty sure between me and Valentina, we've killed at least 100,000 vampires. Thats gotta be more than half of how many vampires there are in Moscow. I don't think the godvamp is gonna like that. You know what else? I think the godfather didn't expect us to be this good. He almost seems pissed every time we pull a truckload of vampire heads up to his place. It's like he's scared, and that makes him angry.

I also told Valentina the story of how I ended up in Russia. She seemed to be pretty intrigued by it. I'm also getting used to living with her now, although I am still very confused as to why my powers stop cooperating whenever she grabs me.

Anyway, we hit another vampire "hideout". This one is huge. It's a palace. We climb on the roof and look in through a window. We see a group of about 1000 people, all tied up, in the middle of the ballroom. They are surrounded by what looks like the remaining population of vampires. Someone is giving a speech. I guess thats Dracula.

"Ok, Val. Give me one of those daggers. I'm gonna drop in and kill Dracula. Then you come and back me up, alright?"

"Fine. Sounds like a plan."

I do it. I drop down all invisible like, put the dagger through his heart, and relieve him of his head all before any of the other vampires can do anything. That was easy. Then, they all jump at me. I'm swing my sword left and right, and Valentina comes in and gets down to business with those crosses and daggers. It's really crowded in here. And I'm feeling really claustrophobic. I'm not performing as well as I should, but I don't know why. I'm getting tired...

A vampire manages to grab me. Shit. I can't move. My powers have gone away again. I can't do anything. I try to get away. I can tell he feels really accomplished now because he's got one of the most devilish grins I've ever seen on his face.

"Val! A little help, please! A little-- AAGH! SHIT THAT HURT!"

No don't worry, the vampire didn't bite me. Valentina just threw a fucking dagger through my body in order to stab the vampire in the heart. It killed him, but it was taking me very long to heal. Well, that was the last vampire. The other ones have already fled.

"Are you alright, Zac?"

"No. CHAURGH! CHAURGKLEAGH!"

I was hacking up blood. Damn. I'm not healing fast enough. I think I'm going to die. Why is this happening? Valentina is about to cry.

"Zac! What's going on? Why aren't you healing?"

"That's a very good question, Isn't it?"

Damn. Dracula. The real Dracula. I knew that must have been too easy.

"Well, you see, his powers were given him by an angel. Angels are from heaven, and as such, they have powers over things of the Earth, things of Heaven, and things of Hell. But me and my offspring do not fit any of those decriptions. I can't be accepted be Heaven or Hell, and, though I do inhabit it, I am not a natural part of the earthly plane. Therefore, Micheal has no jurisdiction over me or my offspring. Neither do demons. Only God and the Enemy can effectively use spiritual powers against me. As such, If I am in close proximity, I can effectively weaken, or even shut off his powers. My offspring however, being previously human, must hold him in their grasp."

"But if you were to die, where would you go?"

"I have before. God will not have me. And I have fought with Satan and his son so many times before that they will not have me either. It is why I have lasted for so long, even though my sons and daughters have been effectively dispatched again and again."

At that moment, the calvary arrives. The Russian mob busts through the windows with guns shaped like crucifixes and silver bullets blazing. Dracula kind of grunted in pain (i guess you get used to pain after so many years).

"Don't worry, we will meet again very soon. You will meet me at the Bolshoi Theatre during the full moon. Then we can begin our work together. Hahahaha."

He flew out of the window. His little power stealing effects are slowly wearing off. I can feel my body mending itself. It still doesn't feel good, but its a better feeling than uncontrollable internal bleeding. Damn. He's got that evil laugh down to a science.Then again, I guess you can do that if you've had hundreds of years of practice. But what is he talking about. Did he say we would work together? Is he serious? Why would I want to do that?

I figure out very soon. The group of gunmen turn around and aim at us.

"A doublecross!"

"Oh shit."

Dr. Orange