I know I'm sorry, MAGIC!!!!!!!!

I will have a post soon, on the story that is. Sorry.


Anyway, here are some magic cards I'd like to see.

Pink Paladin

Creature - Knight

All male creatures on field cannot attack or block Pink Paladin. 3/3

Last Stand

Enchant Player

Once enchanted player loses all life points then that player gains an extra 10 life points.

Rape

Enchant Creature

Enchanted Creature gets raped (-3/-3 counter placed onto enchanted creature) every turn unless the creature's control pays a mana cost 10. 

Edward Cullen

Creature - Pussy

Edward Cullen cannot attack or block. Edward Cullen looks wistfully at Bella on the battlefield, and sparkles. 0/0 

Harry Potter

Creature - Wizard Pussy

Harry Potter cannot attack or block unless another pussy is on the field. 1/1

Darth Vader 

Creature - Dark Lord

Darth Vader can only attack once every other turn. Force Choke - If Darth Vader attacks the player can choose a creature to destroy on the defending players field before combat damage is calculated. Trample.10/10

Samuel L. Jackson

Creature - Badass Mother Fucker

The first player to quote Pulp Fiction when this card enters the battlefield wins the game. Trample. 100/100

Spiderman 

Enchant Pig

Enchanted Pig becomes known as SpiderPig, he does whatever a spiderpig does. 

Batman 

Creature - Bat….Man

As an extra cost to playing this creature, sacrifice Robin. Shroud. Trample. Indestructible (except by Bane). Is the god damn batman. 4/4

Robin 

Creature - DC Pussy

Gay. Rainbow Power - If Pink Paladin is in play, Robin gains +10/+10. 

Wolverine 

Creature - HydraStalker

Indestructible. Berserker (Every time Wolverine attacks -2/-2 counters are placed on defending creatures.).  4/4

Hulk 

Creature - Gamma Irradiated Pussy

Intimidate. 4/4

Superman 

Sorcery. 

You win the game if there is no kryptonite in play. You are also a douchebag. 

Kryptonite 

Enchantment

Flash. Kryptonite disables Superman effect. 

Adamantium Wall

Indestructible. Can block up to 5 attacking creatures. 2/12 "Something funny about hitting your head on indestructible walls."

Harry Dresden

Creature - Wizard

Every time Harry Dresden blocks attacking Creature, Harry Dresden gains the power and toughness of the attacking creature until end of turn. 2/2

Jelly Donut

Instant

Ask the opposing player if his donut shall have sprinkles, if they answer "no", deal 4 damage to that player. 

Day of Silence

Enchantment

All gay creatures on field are destroyed. Any new gay creatures coming into play have four -1/-1 counters placed on them.

Luke Skywalker 

Creature - Pussy with Lightsaber

Force (Allows Luke Skywalker to shoot a small hole in the Death Star without a targeting system). 1/1

Death Star

Artifact

Terribly Designed. Destroy up to 1 target lands for a mana cost of 3 and tap Death Star. 

This may sound weird....

But I really wanna write a musical. Anybody wanna join me?

Nerf wars and suicide wishes ... Part 83

I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I had the power of War. What am I supposed to do with that. Ramsey and Zac had left as well leaving me alone in the underworld. I went ahead and portaled out since there was nothing left to do in hell and I needed to get used to these new powers. I arrived somewhere in Europe. I didn't exactly know where I was but decided to go ahead and practice here. A couple of strangers walked by as I emerged from the alley. I didn't catch the language they were speaking. I was still slightly sick from eating the heart but contiuned on with trying to find somewhere to practice these new powers.


I later found a large pasture of cows and horses. I thought it would be interesting to see such a battle. I focused my energy and suddenly the horses began to run circles around the cows.


Shortly before I left, the horses were being trampled by the herd of cows. After the cow/horse fight I portaled to an office building. It was still rather early and no one has had their lunch break yet. I began my plan. Every person who left for lunch came back with a large shopping bag. No one questioned these bags due to my control over them.


As the day came to an end and the time for all the office prisoners to go home neared, every one disappeared and reemerged as a small army with Nerf weapons. The battle broke out as the clock stroke 5:00 pm. The acting performed by these office workers was rather impressive. People were falling all over the place, guns were being taken from "corpses".
As the army fell, the boss emerged from his office and took out the remaining peons still standing. As the boss finished his massacre, all involved started to come back to their senses, I did not stay long enought to watch the aftermath, my work was done. I ported back to hell and met up with Raven.


The Russian

Good Night... Rude Awakening

So... let's just say I'm tired of waiting and I decided to write a little mini story of my own. I may or may not continue writing. No fantasy, all possible, real life type stuff. The main character (also narrator) is a douchebag. You can tell. The second character is a crazy bitch (or is she?). He deserves the craziness except for the fact that no one deserves that... except for him...? I dunno. Anyway, hate him, idolize him, whatever you want. If I keep writing I'll probably develop him into even more of an asshole. And her into a very clever, very devious person. I guess you could call it a satire? I dunno. Maybe not. My thoughts are kinda jumbled right now... Oh, and I would love feedback. Anyway, here's the story. Starting... now.


Its a good night. I can tell. I just dumped my girlfriend and kicked her ass out of my apartment. Yep, I'm feeling good. So now I'm at the club behind this chick, and she is puttin' it on me. Damn. I think I'll take her to the crib. I give her the "it's getting crowded in here" cliche and we get in the car and head to my place. It is a good night, and a good morning. We take care of busiess until at least 8 AM but eventually I tire her out and we fall asleep.


Later that morning I wake back up ready to kick her out and get on about my business. Instead, I wake up to her beautiful smiling face and an equally beautiful breakfast in bed. They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. I can't say that thats completely true, but it'll definitely give you a leg up on the competition if you can make a mean breakfast. That, and a good message. But I digress.


She made a mean breakfast. She had a stack of blueberry pancakes drowned in syrup just like I like it, smoke sausage, scrambled eggs and cheese grits. She even had milk, OJ, and Welch's Grape Juice on the side, just in case I didn't like one of them. I didn't even know I had all of this in the fridge.


At first I hesitated. Doesn't she know proper club etiquette? Guy meets girl. Girl and guy go home. Girl and guy have sex. Girl leaves, never to be seen again unless the guy decides that she is worth it, in which case he gets her number and calls her when he feels like it.


I shrug. She can't be that dense. She just did this because I'm the best she ever had and she just wants to repay me. Yeah, that's it.


I decide I can wait until afterwards to kick her out. She deserves an extra hour of my time. I wolf down the most delicious breakfast I had tasted since I lived in my mother's house, then we jump in the shower to wash off the alcohol and smoke that is native to the club.


When we emerge, I have to admire myself in the mirror. "They call me the heath inspector." I flex for her. "Look at me. All glistenin' and shit." Then I go ahead get dressed. I give her some boy shorts and a button up shirt because, hey, it looks sexy.


"Can you drop me off by my place?"


"Hell, why not. Yeah, I'll do it. But only if you give me you cell number first."


She navigates me to her apartment. I pull up in the parking lot in front of her place.


"Thanks. See ya!"


"Hey, no problem. I'll call you sometime."


She giggles.


"Alright."


I watch her as she walks away. She's got one nice ass... I snap a couple pictures as she walks away.


"Hey! Bend over for a sec!"


"I was wondering what that camera was for!"


I take a few more. She just laughs. That's a keeper.


Once I leave her place, I call up my boys. We decide to meet up at Ricky's house and play poker. I always win, but I let them get back just enough to where they'll keep playing. I'd estimate about $300 in earnings between the 5 of them tonight. They all got paid today so I'll be able to take more money. Not bad at all. Not for one night among friends that is.


After a great game of Texas Hold 'Em, I drive back home with $342 in my pocket. Great, even more than I thought. I get to the door in front of my apartment and notice something strange. I hear the TV on. I don't remember watching any TV today... Oh yeah, that girl. She must've watched it this morning while she was making breakfast. I put the key into the door, but to my surprise it opens and I'm looking at an all to familiar face.


"What the fuck! How the FUCK did you get in my apartment?!?!"


She gave me a very confused look.


"Since we were already going to be moving in together I took your keys and got that one copied. Why do you look so surprised?"


I can't even think up a good response to that. The best I manage is a facepalm.


"W.T.Fuck!"


DR. Orange

Booster Pack!

Guess what guys!!! I just bought a booster pack! Now my deck is awesome. My deck is huge, but it's still really hard to beat. Come Monday, yours truly will be kicking some ass!


Dr. Orange

MAGIC!

Yeah so about Dr. Orange's post: yes, Magic is an awesome game. I've recently built up two actually good decks and I think it's high time we play some serious game. Yes, this is a challenge.

As a side note, I spilled some sort of carbonated beverage on my keyboard a few days ago and it's really hard to type, now. =[

Damn...

So... Sorry guys, I know it's been forever since one of us posted something, and that's completely our fault. Well, we do have one excuse... The Russian doesn't have internet anymore (his neighbors decided to protect their wifi connection... fucking assholes). That being said, we are doing what we can to get the story back underway. Speaking of which, where the fuck were we?


As a side note, my three good friends have recently introduced me to the card game "Magic". Wow. Talk about a new addiction. I haven't been this addicted to a non-console game since I first stared playing Mafia Wars. I even went out and bought the Reality Fracture startup deck. $13.51 including tax. Damn. I can't believe I did that, but it's so overwhelmingly fun. Don't worry though. I probably won't spend any more than $25 total on it. I'll OD on the damn thing and be back to normal before you know it... maybe.


Dr. Orange