So I was just wondering if there was anyone still subscribed to this rather dead blog... Is there?
I will have a post soon, on the story that is. Sorry.
Anyway, here are some magic cards I'd like to see.
I was lost. I didn't know what to do. I had the power of War. What am I supposed to do with that. Ramsey and Zac had left as well leaving me alone in the underworld. I went ahead and portaled out since there was nothing left to do in hell and I needed to get used to these new powers. I arrived somewhere in Europe. I didn't exactly know where I was but decided to go ahead and practice here. A couple of strangers walked by as I emerged from the alley. I didn't catch the language they were speaking. I was still slightly sick from eating the heart but contiuned on with trying to find somewhere to practice these new powers.
I later found a large pasture of cows and horses. I thought it would be interesting to see such a battle. I focused my energy and suddenly the horses began to run circles around the cows.
Shortly before I left, the horses were being trampled by the herd of cows. After the cow/horse fight I portaled to an office building. It was still rather early and no one has had their lunch break yet. I began my plan. Every person who left for lunch came back with a large shopping bag. No one questioned these bags due to my control over them.
As the day came to an end and the time for all the office prisoners to go home neared, every one disappeared and reemerged as a small army with Nerf weapons. The battle broke out as the clock stroke 5:00 pm. The acting performed by these office workers was rather impressive. People were falling all over the place, guns were being taken from "corpses".
As the army fell, the boss emerged from his office and took out the remaining peons still standing. As the boss finished his massacre, all involved started to come back to their senses, I did not stay long enought to watch the aftermath, my work was done. I ported back to hell and met up with Raven.
The Russian
So... let's just say I'm tired of waiting and I decided to write a little mini story of my own. I may or may not continue writing. No fantasy, all possible, real life type stuff. The main character (also narrator) is a douchebag. You can tell. The second character is a crazy bitch (or is she?). He deserves the craziness except for the fact that no one deserves that... except for him...? I dunno. Anyway, hate him, idolize him, whatever you want. If I keep writing I'll probably develop him into even more of an asshole. And her into a very clever, very devious person. I guess you could call it a satire? I dunno. Maybe not. My thoughts are kinda jumbled right now... Oh, and I would love feedback. Anyway, here's the story. Starting... now.
Its a good night. I can tell. I just dumped my girlfriend and kicked her ass out of my apartment. Yep, I'm feeling good. So now I'm at the club behind this chick, and she is puttin' it on me. Damn. I think I'll take her to the crib. I give her the "it's getting crowded in here" cliche and we get in the car and head to my place. It is a good night, and a good morning. We take care of busiess until at least 8 AM but eventually I tire her out and we fall asleep.
Later that morning I wake back up ready to kick her out and get on about my business. Instead, I wake up to her beautiful smiling face and an equally beautiful breakfast in bed. They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. I can't say that thats completely true, but it'll definitely give you a leg up on the competition if you can make a mean breakfast. That, and a good message. But I digress.
She made a mean breakfast. She had a stack of blueberry pancakes drowned in syrup just like I like it, smoke sausage, scrambled eggs and cheese grits. She even had milk, OJ, and Welch's Grape Juice on the side, just in case I didn't like one of them. I didn't even know I had all of this in the fridge.
At first I hesitated. Doesn't she know proper club etiquette? Guy meets girl. Girl and guy go home. Girl and guy have sex. Girl leaves, never to be seen again unless the guy decides that she is worth it, in which case he gets her number and calls her when he feels like it.
I shrug. She can't be that dense. She just did this because I'm the best she ever had and she just wants to repay me. Yeah, that's it.
I decide I can wait until afterwards to kick her out. She deserves an extra hour of my time. I wolf down the most delicious breakfast I had tasted since I lived in my mother's house, then we jump in the shower to wash off the alcohol and smoke that is native to the club.
When we emerge, I have to admire myself in the mirror. "They call me the heath inspector." I flex for her. "Look at me. All glistenin' and shit." Then I go ahead get dressed. I give her some boy shorts and a button up shirt because, hey, it looks sexy.
"Can you drop me off by my place?"
"Hell, why not. Yeah, I'll do it. But only if you give me you cell number first."
She navigates me to her apartment. I pull up in the parking lot in front of her place.
"Thanks. See ya!"
"Hey, no problem. I'll call you sometime."
She giggles.
"Alright."
I watch her as she walks away. She's got one nice ass... I snap a couple pictures as she walks away.
"Hey! Bend over for a sec!"
"I was wondering what that camera was for!"
I take a few more. She just laughs. That's a keeper.
Once I leave her place, I call up my boys. We decide to meet up at Ricky's house and play poker. I always win, but I let them get back just enough to where they'll keep playing. I'd estimate about $300 in earnings between the 5 of them tonight. They all got paid today so I'll be able to take more money. Not bad at all. Not for one night among friends that is.
After a great game of Texas Hold 'Em, I drive back home with $342 in my pocket. Great, even more than I thought. I get to the door in front of my apartment and notice something strange. I hear the TV on. I don't remember watching any TV today... Oh yeah, that girl. She must've watched it this morning while she was making breakfast. I put the key into the door, but to my surprise it opens and I'm looking at an all to familiar face.
"What the fuck! How the FUCK did you get in my apartment?!?!"
She gave me a very confused look.
"Since we were already going to be moving in together I took your keys and got that one copied. Why do you look so surprised?"
I can't even think up a good response to that. The best I manage is a facepalm.
"W.T.Fuck!"
DR. Orange
Guess what guys!!! I just bought a booster pack! Now my deck is awesome. My deck is huge, but it's still really hard to beat. Come Monday, yours truly will be kicking some ass!
Dr. Orange
So... Sorry guys, I know it's been forever since one of us posted something, and that's completely our fault. Well, we do have one excuse... The Russian doesn't have internet anymore (his neighbors decided to protect their wifi connection... fucking assholes). That being said, we are doing what we can to get the story back underway. Speaking of which, where the fuck were we?
As a side note, my three good friends have recently introduced me to the card game "Magic". Wow. Talk about a new addiction. I haven't been this addicted to a non-console game since I first stared playing Mafia Wars. I even went out and bought the Reality Fracture startup deck. $13.51 including tax. Damn. I can't believe I did that, but it's so overwhelmingly fun. Don't worry though. I probably won't spend any more than $25 total on it. I'll OD on the damn thing and be back to normal before you know it... maybe.
Dr. Orange
I woke up a few days after we all ate our hearts. It was weird--Famine's didn't seem to have changed me very much. I was actually glad of that--I had accepted that I was the powerless man I was now. I didn't exactly like it, but I had accepted it, at least. Grief had helped a lot with that. He'd been training me to use my body as a weapon, and the swords I'd made. He said I was a fast learner, and I believed him--I was already better than him at most of the techniques, but I thought it was because my body still remembered how to fight from when I was strong.
I left the room, Harx following closely behind me. The past couple days had given me time to think, which I needed. I thought almost entirely about Adrienne, about what Stewart had said. I can bring her back, I thought. But did I want that? What if she was happy where she was? What if she was in heaven? I pushed the thought from my mind. I'd cross that bridge when I came to it.
I found Grief in the entrance way to the rooms. I reached out my hand to shake his. "Thanks, Grief. For everything."
"It was nothing at all, sir," he said. I asked him to give me a portal to the outside world and he obliged. I seemed to be in the same wooded area as before. I hopped on Harx and we flew away, searching for some town on which to test my new powers. Stewart, I knew, had to be stopped. It wasn't so much about the apocalypse, but rather the fact that he was getting more and more evil with every passing day. He'd already killed millions of innocent people, and the only problem was that I wasn't strong enough to stop him anymore, which meant I'd have to work with Zach, and probably Alex too, to take him down. But that would have to wait, too. There was way too much work to do as it was.
My whole body was sore. It was strange, feeling this sort of soreness. It came from the muscles which had just started to form on my body because of all my training. These were my muscles, not some magical power, not hand-me-downs from my uncle. It hurt getting them, but it was worth it.
Harx and I stopped in the first town we got to, which turned out to be a small town in Alabama. Hmm, I guess that means hell really is in Alabama. We stopped and I told him to go hide--Griffins are hard to explain. I didn't like the idea of ruining an entire town's crops--There didn't need to be anymore death, but I had a plan in mind. It had been a long time since I'd had anything tasty to eat, and I thought if God wanted me to be pestilence, I was going to have some fun with it. I walked into the first house I saw.
Inside there were three people, a father, a mother, and a small girl who was probably no more than ten. They were watching television, which depicted the terrors which were probably caused by Stewart, and also some odd disease which turned people orange making its way across Nevada--Zach. I smiled, despite myself. When I walked in the family turned and screamed, not because I was terribly imposing--I was just a normal guy, wearing a plain white T-shirt and jeans. I assumed it was because I had busted in, and perhaps because I was still wearing my swords on my back. It didn't matter. I could see the terror in their eyes and all I wanted to do was to tell them that I wasn't going to hurt them, that they would be okay, but I knew it wouldn't be true--I knew they would probably die along with the rest of the world when Stewart started his apocalypse. Stewart had mentioned Fall Out 3, and despite that being a freaking awesome video game I couldn't bear seeing the world turned into that. But I couldn't lie to myself--I was excited about creating my own nation in our new world. But these people were so small, so normal. I had no powers, but I could have easily killed them with my bear hands. I wouldn't, obviously, but the idea of the human fragility occurred to me, how easy it would be to just silence them all, and yet how persistent we all are--
But I thought also of how we've destroyed this world, how we've made it almost uninhabitable. Maybe it was for the best. I'm sure that's what God was thinking. Anyway I was here, in this house, staring at this normal, seemingly good family. The walls were painted brown and all the lights were off but in the kitchen. It was there that I knew I'd find what I was looking for. I stared the father in the eye. He had green eyes. The mother had blue, and an idle thought occurred to me that, if she were younger, she would have been very beautiful, and if, had she been older, her daughter would have been very beautiful, but this was the only time I'd ever see these people, and because of Stewart it might be the only time they even exist, and this is who they are, who they forever will be, and in a way, they are all beautiful.
I looked him in the eye.
Now was the time to act.
"Give me all your fucking Twinkies," I said.
-The Knight
It was nice to finally be back with Mary. We had a little time to spend together before I had everyone called together to eat the hearts.
The room was very well accommodated, but I couldn't call it a room.
"This pales in comparison to my previous abode but a change of scenery is always nice."
"I find this a much better alternative to killer robots."
"You young ones, always complaining."
"I'm sorry but I'm not the biggest supporter of large metal humanoid things running at me and trying to kill me."
"What did you expect a tickle fight."
"Well, it would have been nice, but ultimately useless since I'm not ticklish."
"Well just think of it as a very intense tickle fight."
"You're kidding right? Right? Anyways what forms can you take?"
"Whichever you choose."
"Can I get like a catalog or a short sampler or sorts, but before that. You need a name. Well not exactly need .... What is your name?"
"Which one of us exactly?"
"Damn it, you just love to make things complicated. Ok, you need a name. A universal name, but something bad ass ... How about Raven?"
"You possess us and our knowledge. Any name you provide, we will gladly acknowledge."
"Alright if you don't mind it. You will now be Raven."
At this point the old man collapsed and a raven stood in his place. He stood around for a few seconds and began to transform in to many different forms. Some of the more notable transformations within the collection were a white tiger, a beetle, an elephant that surprisingly fit in the room/palace and he also went trough perfect representations of Zac, Stewart, and Ramsey and finally ended by transforming into me.
"Well that last one will come in very handy, but for the time being just choose whichever form you like best. You can talk while in animal form right?"
Raven transformed into an elegant black panther and spoke in his usual well mannered voice.
"Certainly sir."
"You don't have to title me, just call me Alex or The Dude or something anything but Sir."
"Certainly, sir."
"Eh, whatever I'm gonna go plan how to bring back Dracula."
"I didn't know he could be killed."
"Well, you haven't exactly spent too much time around Stewart."
"That I certainly have not."
".... Wait, you know Dracula."
"He was in a very similar situation as we were, and like we have mentioned before. Any ally is an ally."
"Well you can be a very helpful part in retrieving the scrolls that Zac currently beholds."
"I will get right on that sir"
I sighed as the black panther made his way out of the room. I didn't know how he expected to find out where Zac was but I'm sure he knew a way and will find information within his unlimited connections in the hell we have currently found ourselves stuck in.
I decided to go to sleep and let Raven do the detective work. I will piece a plan of action as soon as I have most of the scrolls.
I had little time to sleep. One of Grief's underlings, or so I presume, awoke me with a loud banging on the door trying his best to demand me to meet everyone in the dining area. The last thing on my mind was the fact that I had no clue where the dining area was, but the minion was waiting outside my door to escort me. Stewart, as always was seated across from Zac and I caught a glimpse of Ramsey shaking hands with Grief and make his way towards the table. Why was Grief here, isn't he on vacation? I decided to pay no attention to it and took my seat at the table. Stewart was very giddy and Zac did not looked like he wanted to be here. Ramsey sat shortly after me and Stewart snapped his fingers. Several demons appeared out of nowhere and placed a covered silver platter in front of each of us. I was severely confused and I am quite sure Ramsey and Zac were not exactly completely aware of what was happening either. Stewart couldn't wait any longer.
"Let's begin."
He tossed the cover to the floor behind himself and took the heart that was laying on the plate and almost swallowed it whole. I was even more confused than before. I looked at the heart before me and the memory of the half of Dracula's heart still somewhere in the confines of my jacket came rushing back to me. I didn't know what to do.
"Uhh, what is this?"
"War's, Pestilence's and Famine's hearts, respectively."
"Why their hearts?"
"Because we are the next horsemen. You must eat the heart to gain their position."
"I don't know if I like raw heart."
"Just think of it as a nice rare steak, only slightly chewier."
"That does not make it any better than it was. Can it be slightly roasted or something."
I fiddled with he heart and poked it with the fork, I took out of my jacket. Zac seemed to have an equally hard time with the idea of eating someone else's heart.
"Is this absolutely necessary."
"Yes. It's required for us to take their throne."
I grumbled and begun cutting up the heart into almost microscopic pieces. I provided everyone with utensils and condiments they required.
"Just eat the damn thing." Stewart mumbled while still trying to chew the heart of death.
"How's the taste of death?"
"Kind of bitter."
"Really? I would have thought it would taste something like almonds."
"Ha, Arsenic jokes never get old."
Stewart went back to chewing his heart and I watched over Ramsey's and Zac's expressions as they tried to eat their's, although it was not exactly fair for Ramsey since his was all shrunken and withered, but Zac had it the worst it seemed. His heart looked absolutely disgusting and I watched as a pustule popped and a maggot crawled out of one of the ventricles. Closely observing Zac's heart quickly made my bloody piece of meat look like a feast in comparison and made the unexpected dinner slightly more tolerable.
After what seemed like hours, Stewart finally finished chewing his dinner, Ramsey was nourished by his, Zac was trying not to puke while finishing the last few pieces of hisand I was attempting to clean my face from the blood of mine.
