A Fight, Part 62

Sorry for the delay guys. It'd take too long to explain it all.

So there I was, standing just feet from where I knew Rakasha was waiting for me. I'd collected nine of the ten pieces of Hercules' armor--the two pauldrons, crown, two gauntlets, chestpiece, cape and two boots. The armor all matched and fit well with the white of my own armor beneath. It all made me look about two feet taller and wider than I actually was, but besides appearance it made me a lot more powerful--in fact I wasn't exactly sure how to handle this much power. It was too much, too fast. Controlling it, though, was something that would have to wait. I'd practiced with it enough to know I'd be able to face the Purple Knight, though I was scared of what the mysterious messenger had told me. He said that if Rakasha had manifested himself in his true form he would have easily killed me. So what if he did that now, and he was too powerful? I couldn't think about that now, though. The last piece of Hercules' mantle was guarded by that purple bastard now and I had to get it if I had any hope of avenging Adrienne, not to mention whatever might happen with Stewart soon.

I stepped forward, my swords drawn and ready. There was no preamble. The Purple Knight sprung from the ice just as he did before, and the battle was started. This time he was no faster than me, in fact I was much faster. I was stronger, too. He charged and I grabbed him by the throat. He struggled but had no chance--I quickly cut off his head. He fell lifeless to the ice, but before I could do anything there was a rumbling and I turned around to see an entire pack of what looked like rabid unicorns charging.

"What the fuck?" I said out loud. The first one was charging at me at lightning speeds. I caught him by the horn as he approached and all his momentum was gone. I broke off his long horn and stabbed him through the throat with it. I dispatched the rest with ease as well, slicing them with my swords or just punching them with my new found strength.

Once they were gone I was relieved, everything seemed calm, but I knew it was too easy, and when I turned around I saw the most horrible thing in the world. There, standing where the Purple Knight's body had been, was a bastardization of what he was. He had been ugly before, now he was hideous, three feet taller, bulbous pustules growing from every orifice. He groaned as he walked forward. I, despite all my power, felt weak. He came at me faster than I could see, slapped my up in the air and then caught me with a tentacle sort of thing. He slammed me back down into the ice, which cracked, and held me below the surface in the freezing water. I struggled against him, tried cutting him with my swords, but nothing worked. Just when the light began to fade he tossed me up in the air again. Air filled my lungs and I could feel nothing but cold. He slapped me with the flat of his greatsword and sent me flying once again. I landed in a pile of dead unicorns. Many of my bones I knew were broken.

I tried getting up, but before I could move he was there again, straddling me. He punched me in the face, and stars erupted in my vision. He punched me again, and darkness took hold for a moment. Once more, and the darkness lingered for a few seconds, and again and again till I didn't know if I could fight it any more.

"No, this is not my full strength," he said. "Not even close."

My whole face was bleeding, and the blood and the darkness clouded my vision and all that there was was an evil that was above me. There was no redemption here, but it made me realize that I was no better, for I ignored what my uncle had tried to teach me. I wasn't supposed to be looking for revenge. Maybe I deserved this. But then I saw Adrienne, as beautiful as she was, her golden locks flowing. For a moment I simply imagined myself holding her, kissing her one last time--

"Go," she said softly. "Go and fight. For me."

I opened my eyes and there was the beast once more.

"Back, are we? You dozed off there." He was still straddling me.

"Get off me, Fuckface." I said.

"Grow a spine while we were asleep, did we?" His voice was odd, deeper than it had been.

I didn't respond, but pushed as hard as I could. He went flying upward and I moved to where I could since the last piece was. I stuck my hand out and it flew to me. It was a spear.

As soon as it hit my hand I felt power flow through me like molten silver. Everything was changing around me as I grew to a level of power I never thought possible. My muscles bulged out and then tightened, compact and hard as diamond. Veins throbbed along my body and for the first time I felt like I could face this threat.

I noticed something at the tip of the spear. It was long, nearly eight feet, and the blade was nearly two of it. It was pointed but also shard on two sides, and at its base were two small slots. I knew immediately what they were for. I pulled out my swords and stuck their hilts into the slots, where they stuck like magic. they became two more blades, so that the spear became a trident sort of thing, and it was all done. I turned toward Rakasha and his Purple Freakshow with a smile on my face, and bloodied though I was, I saw in his eyes terror.

-The Knight

Sorry for the delay...

Sorry for the delay, the Knight is out of town, and as of yesterday so is The Russian. I don't know exactly where Dr. Orange is, but sometime in the next week or so we are going to be back on track when we should be. There will be more posts for the story and other stuff as well. We are also going to finish editing our first volume that we can give to anyone who would like it. We will finish it up soon enough.

We are also going to make a few more changes to the blog, and add some cool pictures and stuff representing us. Anyway...

...see you later space cowboy.

Sooooooo

I am severely disappointed with the course the story is currently holding. This is really cheesy and kind of disgusting to read, but that is just my personal opinion.

The Real Princess Diana. Part 61

WOW. Wow. wow. This is amazing.

The grass was so freaking green I thought it was about to hulk out. The sky (I have no idea how there was a sky underground) was so blue i felt like i could just touch it. The architecture was beautiful, and there were no guys in sight. Holy crap. No more sausagefests for me! But all those didn't even compare to the fact that I have never, i repeat, never seen a collection of more beautiful women in my entire life. And did I mention that the least skimpy outfit I have seen so far is a bikini? This is paradise. If this is what an entire world of only women could produce then maybe guys are as bad as females crack us up to be... It really puzzles me how every single person in here is so hot. I mean, I'm not complaining, but there isn't a single ugly girl here. What the hell?

"I know you all probably don't really like me, and think I'm the scum of the earth, but... I just want to say that this is the most amazing place I've ever been. Everyone and everything is perfect, and there aren't too many things I wouldn't do to live here forever. And that comes from the heart. Not from the head."

They didn't say anything. The lady holding my chains just yanked me forward. You know what else I wonder? How in the hell do they reproduce? Unless they're all hermaphrodites or something (and I'm pretty sure they aren't... some of them are walking around in the nude and I don't see any-- nevermind) don't they need some guys to come and... well... impregnate them? Is that what I'm here for? Oh I hope thats what I'm here for!

They take me to what looks like a palace. In the courtyard there was a group of women gathered around what looked something like a sandbox.

"What's going on over there?" I asked one of the nicer looking girls escorting me to the palace.

"Oh, someone must be making a baby."

"In the middle of the palace courtyard? How?"

"Yes. Look."

She pointed. I looked back. She was shaping something in the sandbox. It was beginning to take the form of a child. Everyone was giggling. As we walked through the palace door I heard a faint crying sound. Wow. So thats how they do it. Pretty nifty.

They took me to the throne room. There sat who I guessed was the queen. Everyone bowed. I got faceplanted into the marble floor by one of my escorts. Ouch. I could have done it willingly. She didn't have to hurt me like that...

"Rise. Is this him?"

Everyone got up. They pushed me forward.

"If the prophesy is correct."

"There's a prophesy about me?"

"Silence, spermbank!"

"I'm sorry. I'll be quiet now."

"Are you sure? He doesn't look like much of a warrior... But he did discover our land. Very well. We will test him."

She clapped her hands. A door opened and a Were wolf ran out snarling at me. I guess it smelled the blood of another werewolf on me. It charged. I broke my bonds and dodged to the side of the werewolf with ease, kicking its side and sending it flying into the wall. It got back up mad as hell and dashed back at me. It jumped into the air ready to tear my head off. The nice escort girl tossed me my sword and I unsheathed it and cut the werefolf in half from the mouth to the ass while it was still in midair all in one swift stroke. I flung the blood off of my sword and sheathed it.

"Well done. What is your name?"

"Zachary Crowder. My friends call me Zac. Or DJ ZacAttack. But that doesn't really fit here, so just call me Zac."

"And were do you hail from?"

"Um... I was born in Birmingham, Alabama."

"Well, Zachary Crowder, also known as Zac or DJ ZacAttack of Birmingham, Alabama, I am Diana, Queen of the Amazons."

"Queen Diana!? Formerly Princess Diana AKA Wonderwoman?"

"Yes."

"Holy Shit!"

"Indeed."

"It's an honor to meet you, but why exactly am I here and what's up with the prophesy stuff?"

"It was said that on this day a man would discover this Land of the Amazons and prepare to lead us into a war with a foe of great power, the ruler of hell himself."

"Wait, so Stewart or Hades? Or Pluto? All theses different underworlds. This is confusing."

"The prophesy did not say. Who is Stewart? Hades and Pluto I know of, but not this... 'Stewart'..."

"Oh well, Satan (if you know who that is) has a son. His name is Stewart. He was my best friend until he was possessed by a demon and figured out that he was the son of Satan. Then he killed the devil (and Dracula), so now he rules hell. Or, that particular hell. Whatever, I don't really know how to classify all of this anymore."

"Hmmm... Intriguing. Well, we may fight Stewart. We may fight Hades, or Pluto. We may fight all. There is no telling. But we will fight with them. And you will lead us into battle."

"Thank you for enlightening me."

"My pleasure. Your escorts will now take you to your chambers. Without the handcuffs which obviously couldn't hold you anyway. I have already prepared your room with everything a man such as yourself could want or need. Enjoy your night. Training begins tomorrow morning."

Did she say training? I can't believe this. Oh well, I don't wanna argue with Wonder Woman. She can kick some serious ass. I am taken to my chambers. I get there and open the door and two amazons are sitting there waiting.

"Uh..."

"We are here by order of Queen Diana. We're here to make sure you enjoy your night here."

"Oh..."

I closed the door.

Dr. Orange

Too Much Drama Part 60

"Mary, we're leaving." I said as I walked into our room.

"Why?" she asked, "The food is good, the gods are nice, we're protected from anyone trying to kill us seeing as how this is supposed to be nuetral ground and all."

"No, too much drama, we're going home."


"Italy? Birmingham? Where?"

"Hell. Go get some nectar and ambrosia in a doggy bag." 

"Okay... but Stewart?"

"What?" 

"What do we do about Zach and Ramsey and Alex? They aren't going to be happy to see you when they see you."

"We'll deal with that as it happens." 

She left and got the nectar and ambrosia and all the gods and goddesses came to say goodbye. Ares didn't show up, they said he had business to attend to, but I was really wondering if that was true. How can they not just be happy in this fucking utopia and stop all the drama? Maybe that's why God left so early. 

Once we got packed up we left, and went back to hell. Fuck, this place needs a lot of work. 

We got down to it. Mary helped me organize all the demons, and get my top of command in line. We had the new soul intake system going pretty well, incidentally only Christians or people who called themselves that, went to hell for deserving it. It was really dependent on your faith. 

"Well, we got all this going pretty well. Say what about the nine circles of hell?" Mary asked.

"I don't know, I mean I see this one which is our palace and army, so I guess they are outside of us, where the souls go after we take them in. We can check on that later." I told her.


Then we went to work on the palace, since Mary will be staying here more than I will I let her do all the aesthetic designing. She chose the colored flames for our bedroom walls, and skeletons as the stair posts. I love this girl. 


She redecorated everything except the throne room, which we did together. I rose another throne, and smashed it next to mine. and the flames raged around us. There was an orb like Hermes had right next to the throne, and I managed to summon up some crowns of devilish worthiness. 


Hey, how are we going to separate this power?

"What do you mean?" I was slightly confused.


Well, you have half of Dracula's army, you have all of Satan's power and his mantle, and you are gaining strength with me daily. 

"Well, I don't know, it isn't like I don't do what you want, or like you don't do what I want, so is there a problem?"


I guess not. I do think we need a kick ass coronation party since you haven't been here in a while.

"Ha, okay you can do the honors though."


We summoned up half of Dracula's army, we summoned all of the highest ranking demons and their legions, we summoned all the souls, and they stood behind Mary and myself, all staring at the thrones. I led her to the throne by bowing and point my arm in that direction, she went and sat down, to which our highest general, Grief, crowned her, and then I went and sat on my throne. I relaxed, spread my legs and slouched. Grief put the crown on my head and Ser's voice boomed out.


Hellions, minions, souls and other evil creatures from the inner depths of hell. You have a new leader, a leader that killed The Count of Transylvania, a leader that killed your old master, both in fact at the same time, and in a split second. You have a  new leader, he who brought peace to Heaven and Hell, he who shall save the world from all torturous acts and make us into a true utopia. He will reign, Stewart, Lord of Darkness, forever.

"Sweet speech," I whispered.


No problem.

The whole hall clapped and hooted and some other noises that i'm not even sure there are words for. They were happy at my promise, they were going to be led by my hand forever. Mary and I were now immortals. We were gods. We are the King and Queen of the Damned, the Lord and Lady of Darkness, the Evil that possesses the world. We were together. And we were happy.


Grief came down and nealt at our feet. "Sir, and lady, we the army of hell swear our allegiance to you through whatever may come. Our army may finally grow stronger that we will not be perishing at the hands of the angels. We are ready to die for you my lord."


Mary looked at me, and said "I've never been a queen before..."


"Go ahead and say it, I know you're dying to." I whispered. 


Mary then stood up and shouted across the hall "LET THEM EAT CAKE!!" and I made tables rise from the ground and we feasted, for a few straight days, we had every food and body part on the menu. Infinite amounts of food, 


After most all the demons and souls had left, my orb started glowing. I picked it up and asked Ser "How in the hell do I answer this thing? There are no buttons..."


Just think it answered.

"Ah, of course, yeah..." I thought the orb to stop glowing and tell me what it wanted and God was on the other end. 


"I have a favor I need to ask of you Lord Stewart."


Mary looked over at me questioningly.


"What is it?" I asked.


"I need horsemen."


"How many? I can' pull as many soldiers as you need."


"Not demons, horsemen."


"What? How many?"


"Four."


"Oh."


"Be Death, take his mantle as well and be the new Death. Gather me the other horsemen, I think you know who they should be. Just know this, you will have to kill all four of them. Save War's, Famine's and Pestilence's mantles, give them to Alex, Ramsey and Zach. They have betrayed me and I know not who else to ask." 


"You're english is kinda screwy, of course I'll go get more power for you. I'd love to, look, can I have a mobile orb? That way Mary can hold down the fort here and she isn't in danger at all, but can still reach me when she needs to. Also, where might these horsemen be? And why is death working for you?"


"Yes, there is a mobile orb in your bed chamber..."


"Hold on, you were in my bed chamber?"


"I'm everywhere."


"Creepy, go on."


"I am in charge of the four horsemen by vote of the leaders of every dimension. They have betrayed me and gone to Hades. He is giving Hades new souls in exchange for more power. The others followed him into this deal and they will not do their job correctly. I fear it is time for them to retire."


"I want it in writing that you won't do this same thing to me when I'm death, and that you will protect me and Mary no matter what."


"Done." 


"Okay, lets do this. Hades away."


Then I hung up the orb.


Mary asked "Weren't we supposed to go to Hades earlier?"


"Yeah, but I forgot we had a lot of stuff to do here, so I thought we would go there after anyway, but now we have a reason to."

"Be careful."


"I will, ready for this Ser?"


Fuck yeah, lets go kick some deadly ass.

The Nausea Is Merely A Figment Of Your Imagination ... Part 59

The bullet barely missed my side before ricocheting and landing some distance off. I was slightly frustrated and tried a few more techniques to break the glass. None of which were fruitful.


I hesitantly found the entrance to the maze. I could see the exit, which made the maze that much harder. 


A few minutes it, it seemed like I made absolutely no progress. I was merely a few panes away from the entrance. The movement of the waves and refractions of the light continuously play tricks on my mind and make the maze appear to move. Although the movement does explain how I have managed to make it merely this far from the entrance. This place will truly test my patience.


A few minutes later I come to a dead end. I try to retrace my steps and come to another dead end. I am still confused whether this place is actually moving or just looks like it.


I decide to sit down and listen for some kind of sounds of moving parts or engines or something indicating movement.


Silence.


The silence slightly reassures me but the dead ends do provide concrete proof. I try to remember which way is towards the exit. I don't remember, I took my mind completely off actually solving the maze. I look thorough the panes and decide to go towards the exit.


I soon find myself closer to the entrance than I was merely a few minutes ago. This whole place is a mind trick. What is its purpose? Why does Borgo want me here? 


My jacket yields no answers. I collect my thoughts and make my way through the maze. I take my mind off solving the maze and soon find myself at the last pane before an open area leading to a door. I start to celebrate only to find the sword I used mere hours ago to try and break the panes laying nearby. The nausea, I have accumulated from the constant movement of the water on the crystal, quickly catches up to me and I lay down near the entrance and fall asleep.

And the Hits Just keep Rollin' in, Part 58

I was resting. I didn't really need rest anymore, it seemed like. I mean traveling was quick as hell now and I hadn't even eaten since Adrienne... well... in a few days. I'd been riding Harx rather than flying, mostly because I wanted to prepare myself for what was to come, but we certainly weren't in any hurry to get to Valhalla. I wasn't exactly sure where it was--it could be in any of the Norse countries, after all, and there was no hint given to me as to where specifically to find it, but still for some reason I wasn't all that anxious to get there.

There were many reasons for this, I think. One was that I wanted to be ready when I fought Rakasha and his Purple Fuck-face friend. Another was that I had lost a lot of the rage I'd had and no longer was I willing to charge in head first, risking my own life. I mean, I just wanted to be smart about all this. Another reason was that in all my time I'd never experienced anything more beautiful than the countryside seen from the back of a Griffin.

I was still in my armor, and didn't plan on changing it any time soon. It had already saved my life once, although my ribs still hurt like hell from that experience, and I wasn't sure when I'd need it again. Besides, it still looked fucking awesome, so....

I was somewhere over Greenland, and the terrain was barren and sparse. Ice stretched as far as the eye could see, but I got the feeling like there was something underneath it all. Harx landed and I dismounted, grabbing my swords and walking slowly over the ice and snow toward what looked like a door several hundred yards away. Harx seemed not to want to venture any closer than this, and so I left him behind, advancing. A feeling of dread washed over me as I walked.

Something happened, and I barely had time to react. The ice before me broke open like a meteor just hit it from the bottom and out of it came the Purple Knight, his giant sword already swinging toward my neck.

It won't be that easy, Jackass, I thought, and rolled to the side. His sword narrowly missed and mine were up and attacking in less than a second. For someone looking on our combat would have been a blur at most, probably invisible. He'd grown much stronger since we'd last face, and I knew why--Rakasha was possessing him, increasing his strength a hundred times, if not more. He was stronger than I was, but I was faster. I wasn't sure that was going to matter, though. Every time he moved big globs of drool flew from his mouth like he was a rabid dog and I couldn't help noticing how wild he seemed, feral. It was terrifying, especially considering that even with all my new, ridiculous power he was actually beating me.

I waited for his sword to come down and I made my move, the only move I could think to make. With my left sword I pinned his blade to the ice, simultaneously bringing about my right toward his neck. He raised his left hand, like I knew he would, and caught the blade. It sliced through his mail gauntlet and I heard him cry out in pain. I kicked out with my right foot, catching him in the chest, and he flew twenty meters back. I didn't wait for him to get up but fled, calling for Harx and taking off faster than the speed of sound. I stopped somewhere in Germany, counting my wounds, which were luckily few. Harx arrived a little behind me, and I made sure he was okay as well. I knew they weren't following me. There was something in Valhalla they didn't want me to have.

Just then the same man appeared from the sky that did when I was talking to Zach. "Hello, Ramsey," he said.

"Hi..."

"I saw that fight of yours," he said. "You'll never be able to defeat Rakasha at your current strength. It seems odd to me that he would possess such a weak creature--had he conjured his true form he would have easily killed you, but it seems to me he enjoys toying with you."

"Weak?" I was astounded. "I... I don't know what to say."

"Yes, I assumed that would be true. But I've come to help you. Let me begin by explaining something to you. You are the heir of Hercules."

That was a bit sudden. It hit me like a brick. I sat down on a nearby stump.

"The mantle is passed down through the generations, and your uncle was the last. But you have yet to inherit the mantle's real strength. You only have that of your uncle, although you have certainly expanded upon his powers--in fact I think you're now stronger than he ever was. But with the Mantle's full strength behind you you shall be unstoppable. Think about it as a power multiplier--Whatever your base power is is what you have now. The mantle, in it's full and completed form, will make you hundreds of thousands of times more powerful."

I gulped. Honestly I couldn't even imagine being any more powerful than this. "How do I get it?" I asked.

"Well, that's the hard part. You have to collect Hercules' armor. It's spread throughout the world in ten pieces. Here's one." He reached into a bag and grabbed a giant pauldron. I put it on my right shoulder and already I felt more power running through me. It was amazing. "Another is held by Rakasha in Valhalla. I know that now."

"And the others?" I asked.

"You'll have to find them yourself," he said, and started to leave, but I stopped him.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Let's just say a friend sent me." He smiled and was off.

I examined the pauldron for a while after he left. it was a red-gold color, and complimented the white of my armor and blue of my cape nicely. I could tell already that this armor was going to combine perfectly with the armor I already had, and that, besides making me stronger, would look hella tight. I looked at Harx, who was staring at me.

"What you lookin at?" I said.

-The Knight

Summary

I promised a summary to give those new to the blog up to date on what exactly our little "ghost story" is about (Click that and scroll to the bottom of the page and begin reading Part 1). So here it is. I definitely half assed it. Therefore you should start at the beginning and read.


Here's the breakdown of the story. There's tree guys: Zac, Stewart, and Alex. They are enjoying the high school life. Zac is a DJ with a steady flow of money and everything's nice. One day in English class they hear about a hunted house in England and Stewart just has to go. Three plane tickets to the UK later, the 3 of them are bunked down in the place for the night. Stewart decides to stay in the haunted room. He ends up being possessed by the ghost/demon. From there Stewart is trying his best to find out the extent of his newfound power, while Zac grows further and further away, not liking the idea of a evil spirit possessing his friend. Alex is still trying to decide which one he is going to to stick with. Eventually he sides temporarily with Stewart. All this time Zac is trying to figure out a way to destroy the demon without killing his friend. He gets a set of super powers of his own and eventually Stewart, Alex, and his demon kidnap his girlfriend and take her to Russia. Afterwards there are many adventure involving vampires, Dracula, and the devil himself, as well as the beginning of yet another tale told from the perspective of a fourth friend, Ramsey.


The rest is up to you to read and discover. If you enjoy tales of love, vampires, demons, super powers, magic, and lots of epic battle sequences, this is a story for you. Go back to the first one and begin your enjoyment.


Dr. Orange

The Light at the End of the Tunnel. Part 57

Sorry I took so long to post... Nah, no I'm not. Antyways...




Damn. I barely got to talk to Ramsey. At least I know I can trust one powered person. In the meantime, I don't know whether he will like the fact that I am reviving Dracula. Next time I see him, I'll see what he thinks before I decide whether or not to finish that. Either way, I'll have to wait to see him again. He has the last scroll. I don't know if he knows it or not. According to Dracula its... a part of him... whatever that means.


So where am I? Lots of trees and stuff. Jungle. And I don't see too many people. Hmm...


"Val, can you fly up and see if you can figure out where we are?"


"Sure."


She flew up. Really high.  After about a minute she came back.


"Well?"


"Brazil. Somewhere in the Amazon. The nearest village is that way. And I say nearest in a very loose way."


She pointed. We walked. Eventually we came up to the Amazon river. It look amazingly clear. I couldn't help but taste it. Wow. Then I swam across. I know, Val could have just picked me up and flew across, but I just don't like the idea of a woman picking carrying me around. It bothers me, even if she is incredibly strong. Either way, I got across and suddenly there was a quiet. Then a growl and before I knew it something big was on me.


"Holy Shit! What the fuck is that?"


I just missed getting bitten. This thing is huge. I threw it off of me and regained my footing. I was staring a werewolf in the eye. Well, I guess it was bound to happen eventually.


"Val, back up. I got this one. Werewolves are supposed to be able to kill vampires, too. I don't want to take the chance."


The beast looked in my eye. I wasn't scared. He could see that. Then he changed targets. Before I knew it he was running up a tree trying to get high enough to catch Valentine. She wasn't moving fast enough. I ran as fast as I could up the next one and threw my sword just as he jumped. It went straight through his heart just as he got his mouth curled around her ankle. He fell and she went down with him. He ripped of her foot just before I could kill him.


"Val! Holy Shit! Val!"


She was already dead.


"You fucking BITCH!"


I ripped my sword out of the wolfs heart and cut at him until there was nothing left. Then I stopped.


"Ok. Suck it up, Zac. Suck it up. You of all people can't afford to grieve."


I said a quick prayer and was on my way again. I realized that she was I was two for two. Both girls who tried to follow me around died by the hands of a ruthless enemy. Well, I won't be letting that happen again. Maybe after all this is over I will mourn them. If I'm not dead. Either way, it's time to press on.


Then I noticed a huge cave. It looked like it was... I dunno. It looked weird. And I could've sworn it wasn't there before. I walked inside. It was a long passage that eventually came to a door. I knocked. I don't know why, but I did. A peep hole opened and an eye looked through.


"Who goes there?"


The voice came out of a weird horn. I didn't really know what to say.


"Uh... my zame is Zac."


"I didn't ask for your name dammit! I said, 'who goes there?' Now who are you and what do you do?"



"I'm Zac. I am a vampire hunter, part time demon slayer, and nightclub DJ. I'm also a weary traveller in need of some rest and direction."


He looked into my eye. I guess he was trying to see whether or not I meant harm.


"Stay right there. And put down your weapon."


I hesitated. Then I decided there wasn't much he could do from behind a door anyway. As soon a my sword was on the ground I was surrounded by women holding swords to my neck. I didn't move. I don't think I can grow my head back.


"Whoa. Easy."


"Quiet!"


They grabbed my hands and fastened them behind my back. One of them took my sword. Then the man behind the door opened it up. No, it wasn't a man. It was a woman. The horn must have distorted her voice... I get it. They must be the Amazons. Wouldn't make since, but that how my life has been for the past few months. Shit, how long has it been? I've really lost track of time... Damn. Amazons are fine.


They led me down. There is a light further down this tunnel. Three in front of me, three behind, the closest of whom had a sword to my back. I'm not really worried. But I'll fake it. I want to keep my superhuman abilities to myself. Surprise might come in handy in case I need to break out.


Damn. They don't wear much here. Their armor doesn't really qualify as armor if you ask me. It's just enough to cover up the especially vital organs. And those are some really short skirts. I wonder do they wear underwear... I purposefully tripped down the stairs when we came to them. Nope, they don't.


One of them picked me up. Damn, what is it with me and attracting weird ass women? Anyway, we eventually get to the light. It's bright. Once my eyes adjust I see what must be qualified as the closest thing to paradise that I've ever been. I'm gonna love it here.


Dr. Orange

Boredom is Boring

So it's the second day of our break and I am already bored out of my mind. I am currently reading Penny Arcade from the very beginning and I'm already at the end of 2005 in the archives. I need to find a new online comic soon, and I am so not looking forward to that.

First Climax?

Okay, first of all I'm sorry about my last post, I was slightly (prescription) medicated at the time and it seemed good when I was writing it...kind of. 

That isn't the reason for this post though, I finally got my internet up on my ps3 and started getting the demos I wanted. Thanks god.

I played the Bayonetta First Climax (I kid you not that is the name) demo and I was pleasantly surprised. When I first read about the game I got excited but then when I saw some of it I got a little disappointed and gave up on it. This was a last ditch effort to engage my excitement for this oncoming game, and it worked. 

Bayonetta herself is a leather clad sexy librarian looker, chick with guns galore and an infinite supply of ammunition. Fun stuff.


The demo has you play through (along with a tutorial) after your main character (Bayonetta) has gotten off a train. The train station used to be a temple etc. etc. Once you get off and go into the first area a few third tier archangels sprout up and start fighting you. The combat system is a little difficult to get used to in the beginning but as soon as you do you will be kicking ass. A few more of these spawn up and you have to kill them, and after that a Big Dumb second tier archangel comes up (big stuff always seems to be stupid in games, why can't they be like red hulk and smart?) After you fight him, which was easier to me than the other archangels (Bigger target, harder to miss), you have a final climax move. This move is a button series you push, where your leather clothes fly off of you and shoot up into the air forming a dragon that eats the archangel. There is a button pressing thing within this, not mandatory just for more points. All of your fights are rated in style and the combat system is a lot like God of War with guns. 

We will be seing a lot of God of War esque games it seems, but this one is like a love-child of God of war and Devil May Cry (any of em) with a hot female chick as the lead. Honestly, I'm looking forward to this game, It looks like it will be loads of fun.

Ooooh, I have a new concentration. Part 56

Well, Olympus is the bomb. Like literally, the gods, the food, its all amazing. 

We heard several stories about Ser and his past encounters. Apparently I should be a wiz at poker now... After about a week of relaxation Ares came to talk to me in my room. "Stewart," he said, "You have a lot of powers, and you use them well, but all of your powers are full attacks, and not stealthy. I understand that you haven't had the time to pick a power and use it stealthily and train on precision and such, but now you have some time to rest and I think it would be a great service to you to master at least one power in a subtle way." 

"Like what?" I asked.

"Anything you want."

"Hmmm...." this was easy, "Lighting. I want to master electricity."

"Okay, howso?"

"Well, I can manipulate people's minds with it, theire neurons, make them see things, do things, die..."

"Um...wow, you really are a sick bastard," he laughed, "so, how will you concentrate on that and still maintain your standing?"

"Well, I have half a vampire army I can pump my powers through, and all of Satan's power, plus Ser can watch over my body while I get good at this. So... how do I start?"

"Well, I'll pick you a city and you can go lay waste. Sound good? The only rule is you can only use electricity powers."

"Let's go."

He picked a small town in Texas. Population of like 1000. I've been to texas a lot recently.

"Okay, so if I use the hive mind I can make each vampire control a human with the electricity thing, right?"

What? Oh, yeah. Yeah you should be able to do that. Texans have guns. 

"We can use that."

I summoned up my army, and sent them through the city, I syphoned through my electricity powers and made them take over, every citizens mind. They met me at the town square. I saw what all I had to deal with, and I portioned out what I wanted to do. I chose a hundred or so and made them think the rest were aliens bent on taking over their puny little city. Two hundred, I convinced that they should kill themselves because they were sexually inadequate. I chose about fifty just to give horrible hallucinations and watch them kill themselves. I took three hundred and made half of them think they were texan soldiers and the other half think they were mexican soldiers and set up a little battle. Then I wanted to see what else I could do with this. I made one mans head explode by concentrating all the blood in his body in his brain, I took one mans nerves and made them stop sending signals as he was walking down the stairs, he broke his neck. I chose the rest just to immediately kill. 

I was having so much fun watching the bloodshed, then I started getting weak. Really weak.

Um, do I have to put a stamina meter in your vision so you will stop when you need to. We need to eat. After they are all dead consume every single one, and we should be okay. That isn't breaking his rules either. 

I waited until everyone was dead. Then we sent out our tendrils and pulled every last body into ours. Salty.

Okay, so something is bugging me.

"What is it?" 

Well, Zeus and Ares and Hera are really welcoming to us and I'm not sure why. I mean yeah, we brought peace to heaven and hell, but they really hated me. Whats up with it?

"So you think they might doublecross us?"

No. Nothing like that, they just must have some alterior motive.

"Lets go back I guess, not much we can do about it now."

We went back and walked into the banquet hall to eat, Zeus looked troubled. 

"Well there are some things we need to talk about, the real reason we brought up your friend Ramsey, he inherited one of our semi-god mantles. Hercules. It goes down in his family line, his uncle was the last."

"Huh, so?"

"Ares won't want him to stay around much longer, and I think he might be the one who is orchestrating this demons activities. Behind the curtains of course, but this demon is ruthless and fights like he was trained by Ares."

"He can handle himself, I'm sure."

"I hope so, for your sake. Ares will be after you next."

Well hot damn, old ties come back. 

I went into the living room with Hermes to watch some TV, they have the cable through a portal, lucky bastards. 

The TV was changing channels, he was surfing, "And Birmingham Alabama can finally breathe easy the cloud is gone.......A whole city in Texas disappeared, no bodies but tons of.....Reported disturbances in Egypt around the tomb of.... Earthquakes in...." Hermes shut off the TV, "seems like you and your friends are making quite a disturbance. I like it"

"Well, I'm glad we can ammuse you. I think I'm going to leave Olympus. I need to visit Hades, combine our forces, make more allies. You know."

"Well, I'm always a call away dude, catch you later Serras!" Hermes said as he fluttered out of the room. Damn, he's a weird dude. 

The Inferno Awaits .

So I just played the Dante's Inferno Demo and it is FUCKING EPIC. Definitely a MUST play and buy. One game that I will be playing when it comes out. The gameplay is just plain crazy and flows quite well. Doesn't seem like the usual repetition and Beatrice is ... well that is for you to find out.

The Search For Safe Begins With Laziness ... Part 55

I am lost, I am sitting on my couch with a cup of tea and the last slip of paper Borgo gave me.

"The place you seek is surrounded by ocean. The natives still possess the land."

Where the hell could this be?  Some Spanish island maybe? Japan? 

It can't be any of those. If the the place is old to him, It's ancient. The only place that makes sense right now is Africa, but Africa is second to last place i want to be. It's the complete opposite of Antarctica, I will not enjoy it. I decided to forget the note and threw it on the table. I had the thing memorized, I've been looking at it for almost a day now. The slip of paper flew gracefully and evaporated the moment it touched the surface of the table. He really doesn't like to leave anything extra around. 

I wonder where everybody went. 

The pieces of Ramsey's sword are still laying in a satchel near the TV. I though he would have destroyed that or something. Things with that much magical potential are dangerous to leave around, even in pieces.

I can't stand this place. I'm not waiting for anyone to return any longer. I'm leaving but where will I go? I need to find a place to hide Ramsey's old sword. He might have forgotten it but I won't leave this here for someone dangerous to find. Without thinking I thew the satchel into my jacket. I thought about the last place someone would look but nothing inspiring came to mind. I retreated to the TV for guidance. Nothing good was on. Fifth Element, Christmas music, Biggest Loser, The History of Atlantis .... We have always been taught that it is a  myth, but the last few months have showed me that nothing we have been taught is true. I finished watching the show and focused all my will on the place, pulled out a portal and stepped through with my eyes closed and as much air as I could hold in my lungs. 

I was expecting rushing water and eye popping pressure. 

A slight breeze hit my face. I opened my eyes and deeply exhaled, waking up the old man sitting on a bench in front of me. The place was completely dark except for the spot light on the bench and me. It was starting to get a bit hot now.

"So you have finally arrived"

"I'm expected?!"

"Word travels quickly in the supernatural circles, and believe me, Borgo's death causes quite a stir every time."

"He did mention dying before"
"I think he considers it a sport"

"I guess at that age, not many things are exhilarating as death"

"I can't imagine death being all that exhilarating after being through it as many times as he has. We have quite a collection of bets here just for the next time he dies."

"You guys bet? With what?"

"Souls mostly. The more you possess. The more fun you get to have. It's always interesting to get someone elses' souls, see how they treated them and then just turn the fates around for awhile."

"You guys are some cruel fuckers"

"You can't say you wouldn't do the same, this place is pretty boring, but enough with the chit chat, your room is waiting"

We exited the atrium and light filled the chambers. The place was utterly amazing. All the paths were made of glass and light shone in through the ocean filling the halls with the movements of the currents. The utter beauty of the place often distracted me as I followed the old cripple man. The tapping of his crystal cane on the glass of the floor was almost melodic. 

He stopped in front of a large oak door. 

"From here, forth. Your path continues. Choices and challenges await. Go hence till your training is complete."

"Before I leave you, will you hold on to something for me."

"We do not hold, we only exchange. What is is that you want to trade."

"A sword."

"We do not welcome artifacts of violence in this realm."

"It is harmless. It broke in his sleep, he only used it to do good. This sword has only brought violence to evil, but I believe evil will have sought after it to use it against my companion"

"You have much to learn, but I will oblige you and trade you your sword"

He proceeded to take the satchel and give me a card. It looked like a playing card written in a foreign tongue, but everything was consistently changing. I disregarded it and put it into my jacket and pushed the doors open. The old man was melodically walking away by the time the doors closet behind me. 

Silence fell. A crystal maze stood before me.

"A challenge of patience stands before you. Take all the time you require."

I took out a pistol and shot one of the panes. A loud crack took over the whole room. The bullet ricocheted. I could hear the remains of the bullet drop some distance away.

Silence fell.

The Show Must Go On, Part 54

Meeting up with Zach definitely helped with my sorrow. It was great to see him again, but seeing him with Val made my heart want to skip a beat and it wasn't something I liked. Still, not only was it good to see him but I wanted to ask him for help. I wasn't really sure how to do it, though, cause I didn't wanna just come out and say it. I mean, I needed him to help against Stewart, but I wasn't even sure I'd need help cause I wasn't sure I'd need to fight him. I didn't want his help with Rakasha, in fact I didn't even tell him about what happened to Adrienne.

I tried being subtle. "Hey, Zach," I said.

"Yeah?" he said.

"I need to ask you something."

"Go ahead, dude."

"Well... Just.... I wanna know... When the time comes, are you on my side?" I looked at him and I knew he knew what I meant.

"Yeah, dude. Of course."

"Good," I said, and smiled.

"So dude I'm not gonna lie now you look pretty scary."

"Yeah..." I didn't know how to tell him how I came by my new powers.

"You look like a fucking super saiyan dude."

"You're more right than you know." We both laughed. Just then, though, a strange man appeared from the sky.

"Ramsey?" he said, looking at me.

"Um.... Yeah?" I said.

"The man you seek hides in Valhalla." And then he was gone. I knew exactly what he meant, but Zach was obviously confused.

"What did he mean?" Zach said.

"Oh, it's nothing. Hey, you wanna meet my griffin?" I said, trying to change the subject as best I could.

"Yeah!" Zach said. While I was showing Zach Harx I was really thinking about Rakasha and his purple fuckhead minion. I wondered what else he had at his disposal. I knew that I could probably take the Purple Knight one-on-one but if Rakasha was helping him, which he probably would be, I wasn't sure if I'd even survive something like that. Still, I had to go and see where it took me. So I was off to the north.

I told Zach I had some stuff to do and that I'd catch up with him in a few days. He didn't understand at first--he wanted me to help him--but I convinced him. It wouldn't be long till I saw him again, I knew, which made heading north a lot easier for me. I was looking forward to going in and fighting my best fight, no matter what happened. It seemed appropriate that I was fighting for pride and for honor in a place like Valhalla.

And so Harx and I left Zach and Val behind, and we flew off into the wind.

Little Trees/ Big World

So I got a  bonsai tree as a present and it's pretty kickass. His name is Herbert and he will eat you alive.

Reunited by the Scrolls. Part 53

Fucking cold. I can't fucking stand this shit. I am not built for cold weather. I'm built for scorching hot suns. This is bullshit. That damn scroll better be close. Damn you Dracula. I'd probably have been better off killing Stewart my damn self. How the fuck am I supposed to find a little scroll under all this ice? I'll just go where my mind takes me.


I walk for at least an hour. Then I stop and start digging. And digging. And digging. I can't feel my fingers and toes and nose. Shit. Forget this.


"I'll be back Val."


"Where are you going?"


"Down."


She looked a bit confused. I dematerialized and kept on going down. I finally came to this chamber. Almost like a tomb...


I walk towards what looks like a coffin. I'm gonna open it. Don't know why, but I'm gonna do it. Here we go...


I pull of the lid and a huge tentacle flops out with a "sploosh" type sound. It smells like piss, shit, and raw fish all at the same time. Then the tentacle slides out. Followed by another and another. I have to back up. This thing is getting huge. Eventually a humongous octopus looking creature has pulled itself out of the tomb. Um... I don't quite remember him saying anything about the Kraken being in here.


We stared at each other for sometime. Then I spoke.


"Um... do you have any idea about where a scroll is?"


He didn't say anything. Apparently giant octopi don't talk. However, he did pull out rather nasty piece of rolled up paper from his mouth.


"So look. I'm guessing you want to be free to roam the sea again. I'm all for that, but I expect you to help me out if it ever comes to that. Come on."


I grab the beast by a tentacle and make my way back up to the surface. When I get there Valentina is even more surprised to see a giant octopus coming right behind me.


"What the fuck is that?!"


"It's the infamous Kraken. Kraken, Valentina. Valentina, Kraken. There. Intro done. Peace be with you Kraken. Until we meet again."


He hesitated. Then he opened his mouth and pointed to it.


"Hey, there's no way in hell I'm just gonna let you eat me now. You survived in that tomb that long well then you can survive long enough to find something. There's gotta be a whale nearby. Or a cruise ship."


Then I saw a glimmer inside his mouth. Oh... portal. Duh.


"Come on Val. He wants food he gets it."


We walk in and come back out in Egypt. On top of a pyramid. Who would've known that the Kraken's mouth led you wherever you wanted to go? I guess whenever a ship got eaten all those pirates just went on vacation...


"Ok Val. Let's strip and find this scroll."


We race down the pyramid. It's a tie, but only because I let her catch up with me. We go into the pyramid. It's King Tut's. We go into the chamber where he lays. I open another tomb. He's pretty decrepit looking. Then again, I guess that happens when you die. I wouldn't know. I'm gonna hate doing this...


"Val can you do me a huge favor?"


"What's that?"


"Can you rip open Tut's ribcage and grab the scroll?"


"...You sure it's in there?"


"Pretty sure. But if I'm not I wanna be able to say it wasn't me. I'll point at you and run."


"Haha, very funny. Ok, Zac. Whatever you say."


I turned my held. I didn't wanna see a famous dead body get dismembered. How would you feel about someone graverobbing Micheal Jackson? Exactly.


Instead of bones cracking I hear someone else speak.


"What do you want here? Why do you disturb me?"


"Zac, your turn."


"Sorry, Tut, but I need that scroll your hiding in your ribcage. I plan on reviving a friend of mine. And I need that to do it."


"So Dracula is dead? He helped build the pyramids. Of course."


He pulled it out and handed it to me.


"Thanks, Tut. Your a real cool guy, you know that?"


"Of course."


Yet another portal opened.


"It's that time again, huh?"


We stepped through and came back out... somewhere in the sky? I'm falling. Val starts flying after me to catch me, but all of a sudden something comes from under me and does her job for her. What ever it was, I can feel power coursing through it. I look and I notice that it is a tall white-haired man with a look of determination in his eye. I hope that's not determination to kill me.


He looks at me for a second, and his expression changes to one of surprise, even happiness.


"Dude! Zac, how have you been!"


The voice is so familiar... But I haven't meet the guy before.


"Zac, who is this?"


"Yeah, who is this?"


"It's me, Ramsey!"


"Holy Shit! Wuzup man?!"


Dr. Orange