The Real Princess Diana. Part 61

WOW. Wow. wow. This is amazing.

The grass was so freaking green I thought it was about to hulk out. The sky (I have no idea how there was a sky underground) was so blue i felt like i could just touch it. The architecture was beautiful, and there were no guys in sight. Holy crap. No more sausagefests for me! But all those didn't even compare to the fact that I have never, i repeat, never seen a collection of more beautiful women in my entire life. And did I mention that the least skimpy outfit I have seen so far is a bikini? This is paradise. If this is what an entire world of only women could produce then maybe guys are as bad as females crack us up to be... It really puzzles me how every single person in here is so hot. I mean, I'm not complaining, but there isn't a single ugly girl here. What the hell?

"I know you all probably don't really like me, and think I'm the scum of the earth, but... I just want to say that this is the most amazing place I've ever been. Everyone and everything is perfect, and there aren't too many things I wouldn't do to live here forever. And that comes from the heart. Not from the head."

They didn't say anything. The lady holding my chains just yanked me forward. You know what else I wonder? How in the hell do they reproduce? Unless they're all hermaphrodites or something (and I'm pretty sure they aren't... some of them are walking around in the nude and I don't see any-- nevermind) don't they need some guys to come and... well... impregnate them? Is that what I'm here for? Oh I hope thats what I'm here for!

They take me to what looks like a palace. In the courtyard there was a group of women gathered around what looked something like a sandbox.

"What's going on over there?" I asked one of the nicer looking girls escorting me to the palace.

"Oh, someone must be making a baby."

"In the middle of the palace courtyard? How?"

"Yes. Look."

She pointed. I looked back. She was shaping something in the sandbox. It was beginning to take the form of a child. Everyone was giggling. As we walked through the palace door I heard a faint crying sound. Wow. So thats how they do it. Pretty nifty.

They took me to the throne room. There sat who I guessed was the queen. Everyone bowed. I got faceplanted into the marble floor by one of my escorts. Ouch. I could have done it willingly. She didn't have to hurt me like that...

"Rise. Is this him?"

Everyone got up. They pushed me forward.

"If the prophesy is correct."

"There's a prophesy about me?"

"Silence, spermbank!"

"I'm sorry. I'll be quiet now."

"Are you sure? He doesn't look like much of a warrior... But he did discover our land. Very well. We will test him."

She clapped her hands. A door opened and a Were wolf ran out snarling at me. I guess it smelled the blood of another werewolf on me. It charged. I broke my bonds and dodged to the side of the werewolf with ease, kicking its side and sending it flying into the wall. It got back up mad as hell and dashed back at me. It jumped into the air ready to tear my head off. The nice escort girl tossed me my sword and I unsheathed it and cut the werefolf in half from the mouth to the ass while it was still in midair all in one swift stroke. I flung the blood off of my sword and sheathed it.

"Well done. What is your name?"

"Zachary Crowder. My friends call me Zac. Or DJ ZacAttack. But that doesn't really fit here, so just call me Zac."

"And were do you hail from?"

"Um... I was born in Birmingham, Alabama."

"Well, Zachary Crowder, also known as Zac or DJ ZacAttack of Birmingham, Alabama, I am Diana, Queen of the Amazons."

"Queen Diana!? Formerly Princess Diana AKA Wonderwoman?"

"Yes."

"Holy Shit!"

"Indeed."

"It's an honor to meet you, but why exactly am I here and what's up with the prophesy stuff?"

"It was said that on this day a man would discover this Land of the Amazons and prepare to lead us into a war with a foe of great power, the ruler of hell himself."

"Wait, so Stewart or Hades? Or Pluto? All theses different underworlds. This is confusing."

"The prophesy did not say. Who is Stewart? Hades and Pluto I know of, but not this... 'Stewart'..."

"Oh well, Satan (if you know who that is) has a son. His name is Stewart. He was my best friend until he was possessed by a demon and figured out that he was the son of Satan. Then he killed the devil (and Dracula), so now he rules hell. Or, that particular hell. Whatever, I don't really know how to classify all of this anymore."

"Hmmm... Intriguing. Well, we may fight Stewart. We may fight Hades, or Pluto. We may fight all. There is no telling. But we will fight with them. And you will lead us into battle."

"Thank you for enlightening me."

"My pleasure. Your escorts will now take you to your chambers. Without the handcuffs which obviously couldn't hold you anyway. I have already prepared your room with everything a man such as yourself could want or need. Enjoy your night. Training begins tomorrow morning."

Did she say training? I can't believe this. Oh well, I don't wanna argue with Wonder Woman. She can kick some serious ass. I am taken to my chambers. I get there and open the door and two amazons are sitting there waiting.

"Uh..."

"We are here by order of Queen Diana. We're here to make sure you enjoy your night here."

"Oh..."

I closed the door.

Dr. Orange