The next few days were hard. Really hard. I didn't eat anything or sleep or even move, really. I was still there, staring at the spot where I'd buried Adrienne. Harx was gone--I'd let him go and hunt. I wasn't sure if he'd come back, but it didn't really matter. I didn't have a plan. I didn't have any idea what to do. There was no force guiding me toward Rakasha and his horde of demons so I couldn't find them, and at the same time I didn't know if I could take them.
But you don't have to take them. I reminded myself. You just have to try.
It was true. Despite how much I wanted to kill every last one of them I didn't really care if I succeeded or not. Death would be easier. I kept walking to the surface of the water and looking down at my changed reflection. I was so much bigger, with white, sorta spikey hair, and I knew it wasn't really me, cause these emotions I was having weren't mine. This pain wasn't mine, or else it didn't feel like it.
It was weird, really, thinking about how far I'd come. First I was just a kid, 18 and powerless. next I've got this sword, and my power is multiplied by ten thousand, and it grows even more as I grow familiar with the power. Then I make my new swords and that's another ten times. Then this... happens, and I can tell right now I'm at least a hundred times stronger than I was after I made my swords. But what do I do with this power? I can't avenge Adrienne if I don't know where her murderer is. I've got no interest saving the world, not anymore. And despite all this amazing power all I feel is weak.
But I can't just sit here and let this happen. I've got to face Rakasha, if not now eventually. And there were bigger things brewing in the world, too, I could feel it. I knew it had to do with Stewart. He scared me, now. He'd grown more powerful too, and now I felt that he was even more powerful, and I didn't know if I could take him if he went crazy and tried to do something stupid. And what about Zach? He's supposed to be super-powerful now too. I need to find him... maybe ask for his help. I don't know. There's too much to do, but I've got the rest of my life to do it. Why do I feel like that's not that long? No... I know I'll do it, cause if I don't I'll never forgive myself.
That was the moment when I got up off the ground after Adrienne's death. I decided right then I wouldn't give up, and even though it was hard to see what there was good in the world anymore I think I kinda put it up to me to save it. And nothing, not even Stewart, would stand in my way.
I picked up my swords and put them on my back. I whistled for Harx, and he came in an instant. We were off after that, and even though I tried not to I couldn't help looking back at Adrienne's grave, and I made a little promise to her right then, something just between the two of us.
The next few days were spent training and trying to take control of my new powers. They were truly incredible. I could fly now without Harx, I could shoot beams of energy from my hands and eyes and blades. The swords were an extension of my body--they moved without flaw. I could pick up entire mountains and more with just one hand, but still I felt like it couldn't possibly enough. I tried circling the world by flight--Harx and I raced. I beat him by a minute and a half--it took him two minutes.
I was impressed with even myself, but I couldn't make it enough, I couldn't be happy. I didn't know just then if I'd ever be happy again.
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