Apparently if you eat a twix all women become complete morons... Part 68

I stood up. 

"Ser, if I ever write a story about this, I'm not going to use a sentence like 'I stood up,' instead I'll say something like 'I launched into the air.'" 

Of course you will.

"I don't understand why you have to be so sarcastic."
 
"I don't understand why you are so fucked up..." War commented, drawing attention back to him.

War seemed aggitated and went ahead and started the fight. 

"That's really not fair, jumping into a fight when the other person isn't really ready," I said, jumping backwards, throwing three portals in front of me to random crowded areas on Earth. He pulled out his two guns and shot in my direction hitting people in all three of these areas and one came in and hit my shielded left arm. 

"Yeah, but you kind of initiated it by 'leaping into the air,'" he retorted.

"Um, it was launched."

I didn't like the shield movement so I decided to change it to what the right arm was. I was now bulked up on my shoulders and pectoral muscles, and hunched over with two red glowing eyes and massive long finger-claws, and arms that have long curved spikes going back up towards me growing in size as they got towards the shoulders. 

A few seconds later Death teleported out of the room again. I figured out he had to leave everytime someone died. God that's a bitch. 

War finished emptying each clip, the bullets didn't go through my armoring. He pulled out the swords frim his waist. He came at me slicing, I was just blocking for a while with my claws, and I saw the perfect timing to just go ahead and get his heart. 

Death popped back into the room right as I was going to get War's heart. I got slightly distracted and War chopped off my right arm as I was going for his heart. 

Fortunately with all this new power, I just regenerated the arm like it was, grabbed the chopped off arm and waved it at War, scratching his face. Death burst out into laughter. I lunged in with both arms this time, using the left arm to block so I could get his heart. 

War looked surprised as he fell over, dead. I portaled the heart away. 

Death approached me. I made five portals around me and killed people in each one. I then shut them.

"Oh you prick," Death screamed, swinging his scythe and jamming it into the side of my head. The bottom of the psythe was touching the ground and my head was right next to the top of the pole. He then teleported away as I fell to the ground. 

Darkness. I've been seeing too much of this recently. There was nothing. Blackness. Pure nothing. I woke up. I stood up, which was difficult in and of itself with a scythe sticking out of my head. When I stood up I could only see a small area around me. I started walking until I saw Death return. I pulled a twix out of my pocket, because I needed a moment. When I did, I told death to sit down and talk to me. We talked a lot. I don't really remember much of what he said, it was all hazy. Everything started going fuzzy. Then the light started showing in.

"POKEMON BABIES," I screamed as I woke up. 

"Where in the fuck do pokemon babies come from?" Death said, standing over me, looking slightly perplexed. "Here, let me help you up." 

"No, its cool. I know that'd kill me, nice try though," I said standing up. 

"So, where do pokemon babies come from?" 

"Pokemon..."

"I know, where like anatomically? They don't have the appropriate orifices."

Pokemon can't have babies. They reproduce asexually.

"Don't start that, they would have to be budding or something which I never saw a pokemon do," 
 Death was exasperated.

"Um guys? Why are we talking about pokemon babies?"

"You screamed it when you woke up." 

"Ah, can we discuss this over food or something? I have a sudden urge for twix."

"Sure, lets fight later."

We portaled out to get some food and came back.

"So, how'd you kill those people without the scythe?"

"Touch 'em"
 
"Oh yeah," I was eating my twix. 

"I don't really like twix" 

"I usually don't, in fact I hate them, but I had a dream about it so, I kinda craved them. So the touching people things, what about when you..."

"When I what?"

"Masturbate?"

"I...never tried."

Oh, dude, it rocks.

"Um, I don't think that'd kill me."
 
"Why don't you try?"

Death shook his head, and walked around a corner in the stoney area, about twenty minutes later I walked around to check, making sure Hades was still sitting on the throne by going ahead and killing him. Took his heart and ate it. 

Walking around the corner we saw Death, lying on the floor, I materialized a couple of swords and cut his heart out and tossed it into a portal.

Hell of a way to die.

"Yeah, just like ever man on earth wants to go," I remarked, opening a portal and going back to hell to greet Grief. 
 
I walked in and hugged Mary.

"Everything been okay here?" I asked.

"Yeah, no one caused any trouble," Mary said smiling.

"Grief?"

"Exactly as she says my lord. I found the one you wanted."

"One? I asked you to find Ramsey and Adrienne."

"Well, Ramsey, I found, Adrienne was not with him."

"Shit... find out what you can about who killed her when you get a chance."

"Adrienne is dead?" Mary asked.

"I doubt Ramsey would have left her anywhere," I replied, "Where was he?"

"When I found him he was passed out on some ice," Grief replied.
 
"God dammit Ramsey, stop sleeping in the snow," I said. "Also, I need to meet with the other generals. Who is most qualified to run another realm for me?"

"My opinion, Horror. But you might want to send him with Fear." 

"Cryptic names you all have, okay, well send them to Hades to rule in my place. Mary, stay here and run things like they have been going, don't let the demons know I've been back, I still need to get the rest of them."

I sorted the rest out and then was off to find Ramsey.