Good Night... Rude Awakening

So... let's just say I'm tired of waiting and I decided to write a little mini story of my own. I may or may not continue writing. No fantasy, all possible, real life type stuff. The main character (also narrator) is a douchebag. You can tell. The second character is a crazy bitch (or is she?). He deserves the craziness except for the fact that no one deserves that... except for him...? I dunno. Anyway, hate him, idolize him, whatever you want. If I keep writing I'll probably develop him into even more of an asshole. And her into a very clever, very devious person. I guess you could call it a satire? I dunno. Maybe not. My thoughts are kinda jumbled right now... Oh, and I would love feedback. Anyway, here's the story. Starting... now.


Its a good night. I can tell. I just dumped my girlfriend and kicked her ass out of my apartment. Yep, I'm feeling good. So now I'm at the club behind this chick, and she is puttin' it on me. Damn. I think I'll take her to the crib. I give her the "it's getting crowded in here" cliche and we get in the car and head to my place. It is a good night, and a good morning. We take care of busiess until at least 8 AM but eventually I tire her out and we fall asleep.


Later that morning I wake back up ready to kick her out and get on about my business. Instead, I wake up to her beautiful smiling face and an equally beautiful breakfast in bed. They say the way to a mans heart is through his stomach. I can't say that thats completely true, but it'll definitely give you a leg up on the competition if you can make a mean breakfast. That, and a good message. But I digress.


She made a mean breakfast. She had a stack of blueberry pancakes drowned in syrup just like I like it, smoke sausage, scrambled eggs and cheese grits. She even had milk, OJ, and Welch's Grape Juice on the side, just in case I didn't like one of them. I didn't even know I had all of this in the fridge.


At first I hesitated. Doesn't she know proper club etiquette? Guy meets girl. Girl and guy go home. Girl and guy have sex. Girl leaves, never to be seen again unless the guy decides that she is worth it, in which case he gets her number and calls her when he feels like it.


I shrug. She can't be that dense. She just did this because I'm the best she ever had and she just wants to repay me. Yeah, that's it.


I decide I can wait until afterwards to kick her out. She deserves an extra hour of my time. I wolf down the most delicious breakfast I had tasted since I lived in my mother's house, then we jump in the shower to wash off the alcohol and smoke that is native to the club.


When we emerge, I have to admire myself in the mirror. "They call me the heath inspector." I flex for her. "Look at me. All glistenin' and shit." Then I go ahead get dressed. I give her some boy shorts and a button up shirt because, hey, it looks sexy.


"Can you drop me off by my place?"


"Hell, why not. Yeah, I'll do it. But only if you give me you cell number first."


She navigates me to her apartment. I pull up in the parking lot in front of her place.


"Thanks. See ya!"


"Hey, no problem. I'll call you sometime."


She giggles.


"Alright."


I watch her as she walks away. She's got one nice ass... I snap a couple pictures as she walks away.


"Hey! Bend over for a sec!"


"I was wondering what that camera was for!"


I take a few more. She just laughs. That's a keeper.


Once I leave her place, I call up my boys. We decide to meet up at Ricky's house and play poker. I always win, but I let them get back just enough to where they'll keep playing. I'd estimate about $300 in earnings between the 5 of them tonight. They all got paid today so I'll be able to take more money. Not bad at all. Not for one night among friends that is.


After a great game of Texas Hold 'Em, I drive back home with $342 in my pocket. Great, even more than I thought. I get to the door in front of my apartment and notice something strange. I hear the TV on. I don't remember watching any TV today... Oh yeah, that girl. She must've watched it this morning while she was making breakfast. I put the key into the door, but to my surprise it opens and I'm looking at an all to familiar face.


"What the fuck! How the FUCK did you get in my apartment?!?!"


She gave me a very confused look.


"Since we were already going to be moving in together I took your keys and got that one copied. Why do you look so surprised?"


I can't even think up a good response to that. The best I manage is a facepalm.


"W.T.Fuck!"


DR. Orange