I Am...the bat...

Well, we have our fourth and final poster, The Knight. He's a genuinely awesome dude and will be joining in on our epic adventures in that story. He will also be posting other random stuff as well, so I hope you enjoy.

I bought God of War Collection pack for the PS3 the other day, and man is it beautiful. The cinematic sequences are GORGEOUS, like more gorgeous than most newer games. Anyway, as I play my way through that we have a few new additions that will be featured on the blog.

We will have a game that we play during the day (we see each other all the time) that will be a fantasy/scifi/role playing game. We are going to post these games and their outcomes as they occur, so look out for those. We have a mix CD coming your way sometime with 3 songs and 9 remixes, 4 and 12 if The Knight wants to join in on that. Look out for some music, the animation is coming soon, and we might have some videotaped skits for you as well some time before the end of this year.

Happy B'day to Dr. Orange as well, and welcoming The Knight.

This has been the Green Guy, Thanks!

This Place is Cold, Which is Why We Drink to Feel Warmer ... Part 19

I had to get out. This crazy 2 day train/1 day sleep schedule was getting the best of me. I couldn't sleep when he trained and I couldn't sleep when he slept due to him being so paranoid that Zac will find us. Mary and I made rounds staying up and looking over the fort. I don't know what she did during her shift but I sure as hell just played games. This place is too cold for a hideout, no one would think to look here. Once my watch was up, I woke up Mary.

"Hey I'm gonna go get some air. I'll be back later."
"Don't you want to sleep? You look like shit."
"A few more hours won't make much difference. He should wake up soon anyways."
"Watch yourself."

The cold woke me up instantly. I guess Stewart's spirit (I refuse to call him by the cute little pet name stewart gave him, im sure hes twitching everytime stewart calls for him) keeps the warehouse warm for everybody's comfort. I made my way to the local market to get some more food. On my way there I noticed a familiar figure, I didn't think anything of him previously but this time I noticed the sword. The sword was plain, nothing special, but how he handled it was superb, even from a distance he seemed like he knew what he was doing ... only question left is why he would be carrying and unsheathing it in public like that. My curiosity got the best of me. I made my way to the strange figure as he was walking out of an alley, he looked a bit distraught.

I am sure I seemed like a severe creeper as I followed this guy around but it seemed like he didn't notice. Maybe Stewart's spirit has something to do with that. The usual go unnoticed until you interact with someone. Who knows.

Shit I've been following this guy for a few hours now, he doesn't seem to have a place to stay. He just wonders aimlessly. I just recently noticed his lack of appropriate attire for this weather.

Fuck it, gotta take chances.

I sped up to catch up with him .... holy shit what is he doing here ......

"What are you doing here man?"
"What?"
"What are you doing here?
"Do I know you?"
"Sorry you looked like a friend of mine, what's your name?"
".. uhhh Ramsey."

The spirit's disguises theory proved to be right.

"Oh, Sorry about, Nevermind."
"Wait, how do you speak such great English?"
"Walker, Texas Ranger"

He walked off with a chuckle while I quickly made my way back to the warehouse to tell Stewart of my recent sighting completely forgetting about the food.

"You won't believe who I just ran into in this shithole."
"Who?"

The Wind from the West. Part 18

I am the Knight. I'm new. Be nice to me.


Russia. It's been too long, hasn't it? I remember these streets--I remember the wind that blows through these hills. But are these my memories? I looked down at the sword in my hands. It was pretty normal looking, without any major ornamentation, but it was still beautiful. There was something about it that was a lot more than met the eye. When I held it I felt powerful. But that's not the only thing the sword was doing to me. When I dropped my guard I felt my memory warping, combining with the sword's former owner.

The sword was given to me by my uncle--an uncle who I never knew--hell, an uncle who I never even knew I had until a few days ago. He died. And for some reason he left me this sword. I put it back in its scabbard on my back and kept walking. I wasn't quite sure where I was, what town I was in, but I was looking for answers. Because of the sword I was starting to gather information from my uncle's life, but I wasn't clear on everything. All I knew was that there was a nagging feeling in my chest, pulling me in this direction, toward Russia and now north, into the cold.

It occurred to me that I didn't bring anywhere near enough clothes. My hands were red and shaking and my ears were colder than I remember them ever being. It was hard to adjust from the heat of Alabama, where I'd spent all of my life, to the cold of this place. Right then I was in a small town, but there was no one else around. They were probably smart enough to avoid the cold, to stay inside and snuggle with their ladies around a nice cozy fire. But hell, I had no ladies, and I had no fire. All I had was a sword and a light coat and a mysterious force that was pulling me forward.

I thought for moment of my family back in Alabama, but didn't think too much of it. They'd be fine without me, and I'd have a hell of a good time by myself. But the one thing I couldn't stand about all this was that I wasn't sure what I was supposed to be doing. I knew I wanted to find out about my uncle, and what his mission for me was, but it seemed like he was just trying to live through me by using this sword. But whatever he meant for me, I felt something strange approaching from ahead. I pulled the sword back out, and even though I had no training whatsoever in combat, when I held it I felt powerful.

I turned left into an alley and saw something there, moving apparently just beyond my plain of vision, and yet there it was. It looked like heat waves, like mist. I raised the sword at it.

"What are you?" I said.

"I am the Rakasha," is said. It's voice was strong but faint, like he was growling at me from inside my head.

"That doesn't really help."

"I am what you would call a demon, I suppose."

"Oh. Jolly good, then, right?" I raised the sword higher, not sure what would happen next.

"I just wanted to see what you looked like. I knew your uncle. Fought your uncle. But our relationship was more complicated than that."

"Does this mean we have to fight?" I asked.

"Yeah," he said. "Probably." And then he was gone, carried off into the wind.

"Shit," I said to myself. I put my sword back on my back and kept walking, drawn by an invisible force into the nakedness of this landscape.


-The Knight

Chillin' at the Holiday Inn

So, um... today was my birthday, I got my license, and I had an awesome hotel party. Now guess where I am... at the Holiday Inn. I could start singing the song, but It would be too corny. Anyways, thanks to all who came to my party. I got $121 dollars, an awesome Animal (from the muppets) hat, a whole bunch of orange legos, an orange nissan (replica not the real thing), an orange tie, and orange sweater, a whole bunch of brownies and candy, some really hilarious cards, and an amazing pair of orange glasses. I think now I'm gonna gorge myself on sparkling apple cider, watch Mission Impossible 3, play with some legos and go to sleep. Today was awesome.

Dr. Orange

Serching Every Whiiich-a-Waaay. Part 17

I've resolved to go to Russia. I don't want to, cause there's very little that I hate more than cold weather, but I have to. I won't forgive myself if I let Maria die. Lets see... I should probably get suited up for battle. Just in case. You know what I want, a diamond sword.

"Yo Mike!"

"Yes?"

"I want a diamond sword. Completely indestructible, crystal clear, and priceless. Oh and a built-in instant language translator that I can turn on and off at will. Can I have it like that?"

"You got it like that."

Damn this thing is amazing. Now I gotta learn how to use it. SIKE! Training's for wimps. I bought a leather duster and got my hair did. Now I've got dreadlocks. To Russia!

The flight was horrible. I didn't have alot of money left over and I wanted to avoid stealing anything so I bought the cheapest seats they had. I was in between a fat redneck and a his sister. Now I have no idea what they would be doing on a plane to Russia, but it's not my place to ask those types of questions. All I know is that the brother kept telling me how much he really loved "colored folk" and his sister kept trying to molest me. When we touched down in Moscow I ran out of the plane. I went to the lady at the desk.

"Excuse me, have you seen a group of people here a few days ago? Two guys and two girls?One guy has a glowing red eye, and this weird sort of aura of evilness, and one of the girls looks fucked up at all times."

"Yes, as a matter of fact I have. But I have no reason to tell you anything about them."

"Please. They're my friends and the one with the red eye is possessed with an evil spirit that can be defeated by the fucked up one so he's going to figure out a way to kill her if I don't stop him soon...please?"

"I actually don't know anything. I was just fucking with you."

"You know, you remind me of someone I know..."

Shit. This is not getting better. I really hope Maria's okay. Lemme text Stewart again.

"Stewart. Call me. This is important."

Two seconds later he texts back. Told you, he can't resist texts.

"Me no talkee."

"Ok, let's make a deal. You hand over the girl and I'll take her and you won't see me again. I'm really tired of this cold weather already, and I do not have the patience to play "Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?" with you. She can't defeat your demon if she's not around."

"Haha. NO."

"Alright, Stewart. When I do find you, just know that I didn't wanna have to do what I'm gonna do. And tell Ser he's still a pansy and he made a really bad decision fucking with me."

Well. I really don't have any clue how I would find them in a place as gigantic as Russia... With no way of tracking them. While they're in hiding. Shit. Wait... Maybe Ill just follow the blood trail. Stewart and Ser have a bad habit of killing people. But first that has to happen. So I guess I just wait for some murder to come on the news. I could really use some help right now. And a big five pound block of chocolate. But especially some help.

Dr. Orange

I Adapt... Right? Part 16

Well, we got her tied up again. We sprung for a ball gag and duct tape, I hope she can still breathe... not really...

I'm tired as shit. Mary made our bed for me and she curled up with me and we went to sleep. Ser did his whole Matrix-y thing again and this time brought Mary in with us without me having to ask.

"So what is the game plan?" Mary asked.

Stewart needs to train.

"Train here? That isn't so bad, I mean time and space are to our advantage." I responded.

No, in real life.

"Shit. Hey, where is Alex?"

He was out getting drunk, but he should be back and passed out in a few minutes.

"Oh okay, what all do we need to train?" I asked.

"Well, to be a good fighter you must be able to fight yourself." Mary said.

"That sounds stupid as shit, I'm not going to hit myself...my perfectly beautiful face doesn't need to be hit."

She is right Stewart.

"How?"

"Haven't you ever seen Star Wars? The tree that Luke goes into, you know, that shit."

"Oh fuck, Star Wars reference... I love you."

"Love you too honey."

Anyway, to answer your question we need to train everything. We are going to go through a lot, but let me make this clear, our power is almost limitless. If you want a power, we make it happen, if you can think it, we can do it.

"Fire?"

Like I said, anything you can think of we can do.

"Water?"
f
Yes! Shut up, we can do anything. We need to train the powers you are most likely to use. I can handle regeneration and stuff without practice. For the most part we can be impenetrable. Shape shifting, we can do, if you think of an animal and tell me what you want to shift into we can do it, but we need to work on the speed and tactical skill involved in fighting with these powers, and train your mind to think of more powers on the fly. We want you to be a fighting genius by the time this is over, remember even though you are all powerful you are not invincible and you can still be beaten.


"Fuck..."

All of a sudden Alex popped up.

"What'd I miss?" he asked.

"We're about to have a power training montage." I told him.

"Woohoo, I love montages! In here?"

"No, in real life..."

"Oh, well, fuck that."

We started training the next day, we had a horrible day. First was the tactics training. I hate lectures, but having a lecture about something as boring as tactics come from your own body, sucks even worse. Well, after tactics, we had to go through with the shape shifting practice, then we go into agility, running, climbing and stuff. Then we learn how to fly. I was tired as shit. I needed a break. Asshole wasn't letting me have my break. He was pushing me as far as I would go, and even though he took out a lot of the physical pain, it was not as fun as you would think having super powers would be.

Then we got to the fun stuff. Fire. Wind. Water. Earth. Ice. Lightning. Elements I didn't even know existed. I felt like I was in an episode of Avatar the Last Airbender...

We trained for 70 hours straight. No rest, no breaks. Mary and Alex took turns helping out. After our 70 hour session Ser had to feed. We searched for a rich party and finally found one, killing everyone in the party, then eating most of the food and bringing the rest back to Alex and Mary.

Alex wasn't there when we got back though, I didn't care where he was though, I wanted to sleep. I did finally, we slept for 36 hours straight. When I woke up I had the nagging feeling that I was forgetting something.

"Oh shit, Mary, have you fed Maria recently? Given her water or um...let her breathe?" I asked.

"Um... I thought Alex was."

"Uh-oh."

We walked into the room where Maria was still tied up to the bed, not breathing and pale. Well.... that is one problem solved.

Alex walked in the door behind us as we just stared.

"She dead?" he asked.

"Yeah... Looks like that saves you some work." I replied.

"Did you forget she was here?"

"Yeah."

"So did I. She wasn't talking as much."

"Ball gag."

"Kinky."

Alex left and Mary went to fix us some food. I turned around and walked to the TV. I tried to turn on the PS3. It didn't come on. I heard Alex fall on his bed.

I tried the PS3 again. Still nothing. I checked to see if it was plugged in....

"FUCK!"

And then all I heard was laughing from Alex's room.

My nipples are hard ... Are We There Yet?! ... They're SO HARD, it's painful ... Part 15

Stewart came back looking slightly distraught.

"What was that all about?"
"Why didn't you check that the stupid bitch didn't leave a note for him!?"
"How the hell was I supposed to know she would leave a note."
"Now we gotta move from here, fucking bitch told him we are here ..... well basically ..... you have to kill her. We do not need a liability."
" Uhh ...."
"Oh, by the way do you know any places here we can hide out we need to get out of Moscow before he gets here."
"Well we could go north .. always somewhere to go up there. Do we really have to kill her?"
"O.k. we leave in 2 hours."

Fucker ... I just got half the games out looking for fucking Taken ... Fucker.

After a thorough repacking he left .... leaving me with ...... alone. Wow seriously, once today wasn't enough.

As we were making our way north, Stewart kept complaining about his nipples freezing, we had to stop and find him a decent Russian clothe so he would stop his fucking charade. I am dead sure he just wanted some Russian clothe. This little escapade turned into several hours of him picking out the perfect jacket and our new lady company picking out the perfect scarves to match their galoshes. I was still in the jacket I had from Italy as we finally arrived in St.Petersburg. Stewart's inner friend persuaded some people and we had a room before sundown. I dropped off all the games and shit knowing we needed new adapters in order to play them. Stewart would figure that out eventually meanwhile I am going to go find them and maybe find a party or something. Last I saw before walking out of the flat was the three of them walking into the backroom. Kinky and weird, but to each his own.

Time to go have some fun, as I remember they make some nice drunks here.

Where in the World are Stewart and Alex? ... Part 14

So... It's been a while since I've seen Crazy Bi--I mean Maria. I've gotta get used to calling her that still. Anyway, It's been a while. And I know its only been a day, but come on, she follows me everywhere. That's really weird. Oh well. Guess I'll head back to the penthouse now. Get some shuteye...

I get back to the pad, and the stove's on fire. WTF? Alex. He's the only other person who actually cooks, but he's not usually this careless... Oh well. Wait a second, what's that sitting on the stove? A note?

"You're an asshole. I saw you with that other girl. I though we loved each other, but I guess not, huh? You're friends want me to come to Russia with them, so I guess I'll go with them. Goodbye. (Unless you want to come to Russia and apologize!) :P -- Maria"

Seriously?! WTF? Alex and Stewart stole my girl! And they went on a trip without me, too! Ok, this has gone too far. I'm calling them. I dial Alex's number.

"Girl I want it you got it, you're body's like a narcotic, the thought is auto-erotic, come on and break it on down..."

Fatboy Slim decided to visit? I turn around. Well, Alex wont be answering. He left his phone. Stewart then.

He didn't pick up. That bastard. text then:

"Ok, truce for now. We need to talk. This has gone overboard."

He calls two seconds later. He can't resist texts.

"Ok, Stewart. WTF? I know I killed your girl and all, but that was a complete accident, and I knew your evil spirit would bring her back to life anyway, so it doesn't count. You stole my girl, man! What the hell? That's like twice as bad. What happened to bros before hos? That's a ho man, you're gonna let her come between us? You just fucking met her!"

"Dammit Zac, she's not a ho! I love her! It doesn't matter if we just met! And Ser says there's no way you could have known that he could raise her up."

"Who the fuck is Ser?"

"Ghost dude."

"Oh so it's him behind this. Well, Ser, stay out of the conversation. If you're so damn good, why did you run like a little pussy instead of fighting me? You obviously don't have as much control over Stewart as he thinks because otherwise you would've been able to kick my ass instead of punking out. You're a pansy. Especially for an evil spirit."

"Did he seriously just call me a pansy?"

"Let me speak to Maria, ghostfag."

"Hello?"

"Maria! Come on now! It was in the name of science. Now, come on back. I'll buy you a ticket."

"I'd like to but I'm tied up right now."

"What? Where are you exactly?"

"I'm in Mos---chklsihkl(that sound when someone is fumbling the phone)"

"Hello?"

Stewart - "That's it. No more talking. Goodbye."

"Wait--CLICK"

Damn.

Dr. Orange

Sex, Vodka, Games and Superpowers ... Part 13

"It's been a week without video games." I was complaining, sitting in our little shack.

It has been two days.

"And you have super powers." Mary said.

"I know, but...games...."

Their plane lands soon.

"Mary, can you go to the airport to pick them up? Take the cell phone we got. I'll call it when you hand it to Alex."

"How will you know?"

"Ser will tel me, it's all good. He knows...like...everything."

"Really?"

"Yeah, he also knows that my semi-omnipotence is making you wet right now, and that we can fit in a quickie before you go to the airport."

We did. She and I have awesome chemistry. If we can live through this, the three of us will be very happy together.

She left for the airport right after we finished, I hope she fixes her hair before she runs into Alex.

About half an hour later Ser spoke up and told me they had the phone.

She just gave him the phone.

I already had the number dialed, so I hit send right when he told me that for added dramatic effect.

"Hello? Stewart? Why the fuck are we in Russia?"

"Um, well, we need to be away from Zach. He got powers and is trying to kill Ser."

"Ser?"

"Ghost dude."

"Oh."

"Do you have Maria?"

"Who?"

"Crazy bitch."

"Yes."

"Do you have our games?"

"Yes."

"Ok, well, follow Mary and she will show you where to find me. Then I'll tell you the rest of the story."

"Mary?"

"Chick who gave you the phone."

"Why is her hair so messed up?"

"Ha..."

"Ok, seriously, what the fuck is going on?"

"Just come here and I'll tell you."

When they finally got there, I explained everything to Alex. I told him about Ser, and Mary, and how I was in love with her.

I told Alex I need him to do me a favor.

"What do you need?"

"Well, you have to kill Maria."

"Why? I mean, I get that you can't, but why do I need to? Why not hold her hostage or something?"

"I'm not a James Bond villain, I'm not going to do something that never works out for the bad guy, I'm going to just take care of her now. Besides, we don't need a face off with Zach right now. I need to get better at using my powers."

"I brought Prototype?"

"More practice."

"Infamous?"

"Still more."

".....Assassin's Creed?"

"Real life practice Alex, not just video games. Though thank you for bringing the games. Speaking of which, lets go play and finish this conversation."

We went and got a huge bottle of vodka. We set out ten shot glasses and went to playing games. Two player games, and every time we competed and someone lost, they had to take a shot, when we co-oped the person who did worse had to take a shot.

About seven hours into this we were both passed out. I woke up kind of to Mary moving me into our bed.

"Maria?"

"She is tied up to the cot."

"Hmm...I love you."

"I love you too." She said as she was petting my head, letting me fall asleep curled up against her.


I felt awake. I felt alive. I was in a void of pure white.

"Okay.... the Matrix was cool but I'm really okay without living it."

This isn't the Matrix. This is your mind.

"Very blank... okay, so why are we in my mind?"

A black shadow of a man appeared in front of me.

Rest, we have a lot to do over the next year. I know what is to come and what must be done to allow fate to work itself out.

"So we can just have team meetings in my head? Can Mary come?"

Then Mary popped up in the void, confused and backing up looking around. She bumped into me.

"And Alex?"

Then he appeared.

"Sweet, gang is all here Ser, lets get to planning."

A Couch, A Chick, and 2 Plane Tickets ... Part 12

I woke up to find myself in an empty penthouse yet again. Where does everyone keep running off to. I found a pair of tickets with a note on the coffee table in front of my sleeping abode for the last 16 hours .... shit I slept for 16 hours .... it said "The Mother Land, find me there!"

Why the hell did he write that in green and why the hell 2 tickets, shit they are for 6 am tomorrow, maybe 1 is for Zac or something, but why would he buy him a tickets .... hes a cheap bastard ...

I was in the middle of making my midnight breakfast when our bell rang ... who would come here ringing, especially at this hour? ...

I opened the door to find the screaming chick looking about 9 different levels of fucked up.

"Your friend told me to come here and that you would know what to do."
"Which friend?"
"The crazy kinda cute one who doesn't know how to shave."
"Ahh, that explains the 2 tickets, come on, you look like you need a bath and some clothe."
Didn't know Stewart was into the whole stealing women business but o.k. I guess she's already here might as well take her along.

By the time I came back with some new clothe, she passed out on my couch, fucking fucker took my couch, whatever ... game time.

...

By 4a.m. I woke up the screaming chick that passed out on my couch and began packing all the shit we might need, somehow all I managed to fit were the games and consoles, not much of a surprise, I don't even remember bringing any clothe with me on this trip.
Everything was fine and we got on the plane, well except her nail clippers incident.

The plane took off and I was enjoying my complimentary peanuts when the screaming chick randomly turned to me.
"Sorry about passing out on the couch, yesterday was kind of exhausting."
*Fucking fucker* "No problem, Any idea where the hell our friend went?"