It's been quite some time, but I'm back

I haven't posted in a while, and I will have a story update tomorrow, most definitely. 
Anyway, here's a new story for you, hope you enjoy. 

This is cruel, A voice inside my head rang out. It was my voice. My voice sounded strange. This isn't right. Where are you going? What are you doing?

“You're talking to yourself again,” Alex said.

“Shit,” I paused, “I didn't even realize it.”

“I could tell, you alright?”

“Same as usual.”

“Usually you can control yourself in public, it's been getting worse.”

“I'm fine,” I lied. I knew he had some problems too, I didn't want to talk about what was on my mind. I clenched my jaw, making sure I wouldn't start talking to myself on the train again. What are you doing? We're headed home. Why? Fuck you, me, fuck, I don't know. The train stopped, the doors opened and people flooded out. The last stop before ours. Alex turned to me, getting his jacket bundled up and stood up, putting on his gloves.

“You're going to get frostbite,” he looked at my hands.

“Eh, it isn't cold enough for gloves quite yet.”

“Your fingers, we're gamers, gotta keep them fresh and working.” He turned to the doors. I sat there. You're going to go home, play some videogames and then pass out with some vicodin or klonpin. You're probably going to drink along with it so you sleep well for the few hours that you sleep before you have to wake up and go to class. Whats the point in that?

“It's life,” I said, standing up and following Alex out the doors as they opened. It was a short walk to our apartment, and Alex and I were prepared, we had cut the time on beer retrieval down by making a bottle dispenser to pop two beers out every time we opened the door. The dispenser then pops the tops off and has them conveniently placed next to the door.

We walked in, grabbed our beer, I reached in our couch and pulled out the vicodin, took two, and offered the bottle to Alex.

“I'm okay right now, maybe later,” he declined.

“Suit yourself.”

Our couch was a rather interesting piece of furniture as well. We had stacked milk crates, stuck a minifridge in the center covered everything with cushions that were essentially hinged. The minifridge opened upwards, and next to it there were pill bottles stacked up.

We sat on the couch, at opposite ends. The numerous TV's buzzed on, and the playstations turned on. I took the mouse and keyboard out of the milkcrate underneath me. I waved the mouse on the side cushion which I'd sewn a mousepad onto, and typed in the password to wake up the computer another screen was attached to. I started the music and grabbed the controller that Alex extended towards me.

“What are you gonna play?” I asked, putting on my microphone.

“Don't know yet,” he said, hooking up his mic.

“I feel like some Catherine.”

“Again?”

“It's good to reminisce.”

“You're torturing yourself.”

“I lost them both, Alex.”

“No, one is still a possibility.”

“I lost them.”

“Whatever.”

“We're just like him. We're characters being played by someone else. Our gamers have no care what happens, they have the luxury of reset. We have nothing. We feel the lows and the highs that they push us through, they don't care. They can laugh when we fuck someone, but they don't care when we get fucked over. We're entertainment to whoever's watching.”

“Depressing.”

“Very much so.”

“You need to lay off the vicodin.”

I know I'm sorry, MAGIC!!!!!!!!

I will have a post soon, on the story that is. Sorry.


Anyway, here are some magic cards I'd like to see.

Pink Paladin

Creature - Knight

All male creatures on field cannot attack or block Pink Paladin. 3/3

Last Stand

Enchant Player

Once enchanted player loses all life points then that player gains an extra 10 life points.

Rape

Enchant Creature

Enchanted Creature gets raped (-3/-3 counter placed onto enchanted creature) every turn unless the creature's control pays a mana cost 10. 

Edward Cullen

Creature - Pussy

Edward Cullen cannot attack or block. Edward Cullen looks wistfully at Bella on the battlefield, and sparkles. 0/0 

Harry Potter

Creature - Wizard Pussy

Harry Potter cannot attack or block unless another pussy is on the field. 1/1

Darth Vader 

Creature - Dark Lord

Darth Vader can only attack once every other turn. Force Choke - If Darth Vader attacks the player can choose a creature to destroy on the defending players field before combat damage is calculated. Trample.10/10

Samuel L. Jackson

Creature - Badass Mother Fucker

The first player to quote Pulp Fiction when this card enters the battlefield wins the game. Trample. 100/100

Spiderman 

Enchant Pig

Enchanted Pig becomes known as SpiderPig, he does whatever a spiderpig does. 

Batman 

Creature - Bat….Man

As an extra cost to playing this creature, sacrifice Robin. Shroud. Trample. Indestructible (except by Bane). Is the god damn batman. 4/4

Robin 

Creature - DC Pussy

Gay. Rainbow Power - If Pink Paladin is in play, Robin gains +10/+10. 

Wolverine 

Creature - HydraStalker

Indestructible. Berserker (Every time Wolverine attacks -2/-2 counters are placed on defending creatures.).  4/4

Hulk 

Creature - Gamma Irradiated Pussy

Intimidate. 4/4

Superman 

Sorcery. 

You win the game if there is no kryptonite in play. You are also a douchebag. 

Kryptonite 

Enchantment

Flash. Kryptonite disables Superman effect. 

Adamantium Wall

Indestructible. Can block up to 5 attacking creatures. 2/12 "Something funny about hitting your head on indestructible walls."

Harry Dresden

Creature - Wizard

Every time Harry Dresden blocks attacking Creature, Harry Dresden gains the power and toughness of the attacking creature until end of turn. 2/2

Jelly Donut

Instant

Ask the opposing player if his donut shall have sprinkles, if they answer "no", deal 4 damage to that player. 

Day of Silence

Enchantment

All gay creatures on field are destroyed. Any new gay creatures coming into play have four -1/-1 counters placed on them.

Luke Skywalker 

Creature - Pussy with Lightsaber

Force (Allows Luke Skywalker to shoot a small hole in the Death Star without a targeting system). 1/1

Death Star

Artifact

Terribly Designed. Destroy up to 1 target lands for a mana cost of 3 and tap Death Star. 

She wouldn't take off her panties, but it was just more well rendered boobage... Part 80

It was nice to finally be back with Mary. We had a little time to spend together before I had everyone called  together to eat the hearts. 

Mary and I had gone back to our room to have a romantic evening, before we needed to work. Then I fell asleep. I was so tired, and Mary seemed to be understanding of it, I woke up with a cover over me and my head in her lap. 

I need to be here more often. Unfortunately I don't see that happening any time soon. 

When I called everyone together for the hearts, I noticed Ramsey talking to Grief. I thought Grief was gone, I decided I would just ask him what was going on later, this is more important. I opened up a portal to the hearts and put them on trays, and walked into the dining area. 

No one wanted to eat their heart. I had eaten so many before then, they didn't phase me anymore. 

I loved heart. 

After everyone has eaten their heart, I stand up, "There is something everyone should hear. I have spoken to God on this matter, and he whole heartedly agrees it should be carried out. We will have our own dimension. We will construct it. Four nations, one for each of us, from whatever we want, within reason."

"What about earth?" Alex asked.

"Think Fallout 3."

"Ah."

"Can we still go to earth after the apocalypse and talk to the people and live there if we want?" Zac asked.

"Sure, but you can make your own people in our dimension, have four nations, we are the gods. We will rule them."

Zac and Ramsey looked uneasy. 

"Okay guys," I started, "you know, I fought for this for us, and I thought you would like the fact that you get to bring stuff from Earth, people, things, whatever you want." I paused, "Bring people back to life." I looked at Ramsey then at Zac.

"No Stewart, you did it for yourself," Ramsey stood up and said.

I donned my armor and grinned, taking a step towards him. My armor was different now, there was this glowing black aura around it. 

I grew my blades, both my eyes were flaring red, I took another step towards Ramsey. 

"Stop!" yelled Zac. 

I shot my arm out and grabbed him by the throat, pulled him closer to me and said "Zac, i wouldn't be so quick to protest to your boss. You might get fired. Or killed. Whichever I choose. Just remember if you die yourself, I will just eat your heart and you will just make me that much more powerful."

I dropped him on the floor and got rid of my armor as Gabriel was walking in. 

"What's going on?" Gabriel asked. 

"Eating hearts," I turned and smiled at him.

"Well, with those hearts there is a lot of power, but they each have their own unique powers. You need to learn how to use them."

"Good, so we can train, finally. Everyone, please pick a city in the country that you would like to wipe out or terrorize and do it with your new found powers, then lets meet back here. Sound good? Thought so," I told them as I left through a portal. 

I went to Ireland first. I needed to pay a visit to the nice man who saved me from certain death one time. I need his advice. 

I knocked on Carney's door. He opened it and we sat down. I didn't give him a chance to talk really, I just told him the whole story, from why I was covered in rocks when he first met me to why I can now shapeshift, teleport and kill most anything that gets in the way of my wants. 

He didn't say anything during the story, and his facial expression didn't change one bit. I told him about the new dimension we were making, and I told him I wanted him to be king over my domain.

"Damn unicorns, they git ya e'ry time now." 

That was all he had to say. He told me to come back in a week, and I told him I would. I need him alive, he gives good advice.

Then I went to Cairo. 


That's in Egypt.


I didn't know that.


"What? Cairo is not only in Egypt but it is the capital?" I was muttering under my breath.


Yeah, did you get stupid? Something in your brain eating away at memory or anything I should know about?


"Not that I know of. So, lets get to work."


Sure thing.


I armored up, and thought of creative ways to kill people. I stood in front of the pyramids and looked at the sands. I was in the mood for some large monsters, and maybe some vampires.


I made a huge sand monster. he stood as tall as one of the pyramids. Next to him I formed a fire monster. I love fire. People started panicking, and my monsters didn't like that and started to lash out at the people. 


"Pile the bodies for me!" I yelled at the monsters. I summoned up a lightning monster, and then decided there should be a mix. I summoned a fourth monster and made him sand, lightning and fire. They destroyed all the buildings, and reduced it all to sand. People were piling up. I shot out ten or so tentacles and got to work.


I summoned up an army of vampires and then they went to work on the town as well. 


Ten minutes later, everyone was dead. I grinned, my eyes shone brighter than ever. The vampires worked along my tentacles and then we all stood before an Eiffel Tower of dead bodies. All the buildings were gone, it was as if no one was ever there, except the Eiffel tower that I made. 


"Let's go see Mary and spend some time with her before the others get back." I said, dismissing all the vampires. 


Sounds good to me.


We went back to Hell. I went into our room, then curled up next to Mary. She snuggled up next to me, and we went to sleep.

A thought to you...

I applied to be a stand up comic on open mic night at our nearby comedy club. If you'd like, when we go buy those foam swords we can apply to that as well in person and do it one night together (at separate times but on the same night).

Hopefully we will have video of the fight with these between The Knight and myself.

http://www.amazon.com/Nerf-N-Force-Marauder-Long-Sword/dp/B00284C4SC/ref=pd_sim_t_1

http://www.amazon.com/Nerf-N-Force-Shadow-Thunder-Sword/dp/B001SEJ602/ref=pd_sim_t_3

http://www.amazon.com/Nerf-N-Force-Warlock-Axe-Yellow/dp/B002VEC86M/ref=pd_sim_t_5

Hell Part 76

"God dammit." Ramsey said.

"Top," I started.

"Don't do it," he cut me off. 

"Okay, look, how about we go see God, he is who wants us to do this anyway."

"He wants you to do it," Zac said.

"No, he specified us four."

"Where's Alex?"

"We don't know yet. Come on, lets go talk to God."

Zach and Ramsey looked at me kind of funny, then I made a portal and hopped through it. I landed in Heaven. I hadn't been through here yet. It was nice though, paradise indeed. Ramsey and Zac popped through soon after me. We walked up to the gate where an angel told us we needed to keep our presence hidden. He guided us to a palace and then into a room where God was sitting. 

"Stewart, what the hell are you doing in here?" God asked.

"Ha, thats funny, I rule hell, so, yeah...nevermind, but they wanted confirmation on this whole plan. Well that and Zac needs a place on earth to stay where I can get hold of him, can you get that arranged and take care of him real quick, explain it all, you know, the highlights or whatever, I need to run and find Alex after I check up on the homefront."

I didn't really wait for an answer, I was doing this for God, he could do something to help me out. Who knew Zac would have gotten so stubborn. I grabbed Ramsey's arm and we ran out of the palace, meeting the same angel from before.

Hey buddy, you ran off in a hurry there earlier, whats up with you? How have you been?

"You know him Ser?" I asked.

He's Gabriel, he helped me out a lot before I got imprisoned.

"Hey, Ser it is great to see you, but we are having some heavenly problems. I will come visit you in Hell when you have gathered the last horseman," Gabriel said. He seemed concerned, but we were in kind of a hurry. We got to the gates and I opened up a portal and Ramsey and I went back to hell. 

"Did you have to encourage him like that?" I asked.

"Well, if I had been all on your side he wouldn't have gone for it."

"True."

Grief walked up just about then and said "Sir, I have located your other friend. He is in a very peculiar place. Shall I take you to him?"

"Sure, thanks Grief."

"He is frighteningly good at his job," Ramsey whispered in my ear. I chuckled a little bit as Grief opened a portal. We jumped through and came out on the other end facing Alex and an old man. 

"Grief! How good to see you again!" The old man said.

"Grief?" Alex asked.

"Again?" I asked.

"Good?" Ramsey asked.

"Ah good friend, they are here and we shall be off," Greif was grinning. 

"What the hell man, you've been coming down here and talking to him, for how long?" I asked Grief.

"Well, ever since we had one body," replied the old man. 

"What?" Ramsey said. 

"It can wait," I said.

"Wait, so you were in cahoots with a general from Hell this whole time, that's how you knew my friends were coming?" Alex turned to the old man. 

"You have cahoots?" I asked Grief.

"None of this is terribly important, just relax and lets all go back to Hell to talk it over," the old man said.

Grief and the old man jumped through the portal first, laughing with each other, leaving me, Ramsey and Alex standing in front of a huge portal, jaws open, and not being able to say anything.

"So where are we anyway?" Ramsey asked.

"Underwater," Alex responded.

"What?" 

Alex grinned.

We jumped through into Hell, to find Gabriel, an angry looking Zach, Valentine, Grief, Mary, the old man, and God sitting at the table. 

"This is the strangest group of people I've ever seen in my life. Hey, how did she get here?" I asked.

"I went and got her," Zac was scowling.

"Fine, go and get her."

"I already did." 

I took my seat next to Mary and Grief, Alex on the other side of the old man who was on the other side of Grief was sitting next to Ramsey and then God.

"Okay, I'm pressed for time," God started, "Look, Stewart, Alex, Ramsey, Zach, you four are the new horsemen of the apocalypse. Death, War, Famine and Pestilence. Good? Good. We are not quite ready for the impending doom, but the four of you need to learn how to function as a team." Zach scowled more as God continued, "We will have a few prep excersises and a few different challenges that I'm sure you will enjoy sent through Gabriel. So, I need to go, but Gabriel will stay with Zach on earth tonight, but until then, eat and enjoy. Goodbye." 

With the final word he vanished. That was really fucking cool. 

It was awkward at the table at first, everyone ate quietly. Then the old man and Grief started telling us stories about their past adventures and what they used to do, Gabriel and Grief are apparently good friends as well, as are Gabriel and the old man.

"I feel left out," Ramsey mouthed to me from across the table. Shortly after though, everyone was telling stories and joking around about things. No one felt any tension anymore. No one was stressed or upset. 

After a few rounds of stories Zac decided to leave. Gabriel opened a portal for Zac and Valentina. He said he would follow them later. 

The old man and Alex went into their room, Ramsey to his, leaving me, Grief, Gabriel, and Mary in the room. 

"Go on to bed Mary, I'll be in there in a minute," I told her.

"Okay," she said.

"Grief," I started, grabbing his arm before he could go into the hall, "I don't know how it really works down here, and I don't know what the protocol is or anything, but.."

"Yes, my lord?" 

"Take a vacation dude. You work really fucking hard, and you're good at your job. Seriously take a week."

"Thank you my lord."

"After that, could you find out how Hades is going?"

"Yes my lord."

"Okay, try and see the world some, it may not be around much longer to see. If you want, just have fun, kick back, do whatever. Do not feel obligated to do anything for us for a week or so. Is that cool? I can tell you to do that right?"

"Yes my lord," Grief said laughing a little bit, "it is much appreciated, Satan never let us have vacations. I'd say Hell is running a hell of a lot better now than it was."

"Thanks Grief, a lot of it is because of you. I haven't done much with it. Lot of Hell jokes today, where is a good Heaven joke?"

"Sir, you have done more than you know," with this he smiled and walked away. I turned to Gabriel.

What is troubling you friend?

"Well, there are problems in Heaven," he replied.

What do you mean? A coo? A rebellion? Corrupt people doing bad things?

"I'm afraid it is something like that. We don't know the specifics. Hades was just the first of many. Whoever is leading all this got Hades and the original four horsemen and God knows who else."

"Who then?" I asked.

"Who what?"

"Who, if God knows..."

"Its a saying."

"Ah, there's a Heaven joke."

"Anyway, we don't know who else is involved or what exactly they are planning. You need to be more careful. You should know better than to try to take on all four horsemen at the same time. If I hadn't stepped in with Death you would have been killed and we would have been fucked."

He didn't die via masturbation?

"No."

"Damn."

Gabriel told us what he could, then he left. After he left I went into the throne room and sat down in my chair. I looked out at the court, all the stuff that Mary and Grief have done. I walked out past the court and out onto the balcony. I looked out over Hell. It wasn't so bad. 

"Stewart..." Mary wrapped her arms around my stomach. I knew things would be alright. 

"I love you." I told her.

She kissed my shoulder and squeezed tighter.

Taco Taco

It is...

I have a big head and little arms...

Shot at 2010-02-06

I need to go back to sleep...

War never changes. Part 72

Ramsey and I took off for Hell. When we got there, I talked to Grief about where we could find Zach. He told me San Diego was probably a good place to look. I showed Ramsey to his room, which had still been made up for Adrienne as well. I noticed a little bit of resistance in him, sadness that I couldn't even begin to understand, but he needed rest so he took the room. 

"Adrienne is dead. Officially," I walked into our room telling Mary. 

"Oh no, poor Ramsey."

"I don't know how to help him, but we have to go find Zach after we get rest. I'm sorry to leave you with all of this right now, I promise I will be back soon."

She grabbed my hand, "It is okay, I promise."

We turned on the TV and went to sleep. "World breaks into chaos as people realize they cannot die...." is the last thing i hear before sleep completely overwhelmes my senses. Sleep. 

The next morning I woke up in an empty bed. 

"Mary?" 

No answer. God dammit, where did she go? I walked into the thrown room to see if she was in there. I saw her talking to Ramsey and Grief. I hid for a minute to see what they were talking about.


"You can say goodbye to her, to her soul at least," I heard Mary say.


"I don't know," Ramsey seemed like he was uneasy, I thought I should walk in and help him out by ending the conversation, but I needed to hear more.


"Technically, Lord Stewart may be able to ressurect Adrienne for you," Grief told him. 


When did Grief start caring about people?

"Guess Mary is rubbing off on him," I whispered. 

"He resurrected me," Mary told Ramsey, at which point I decided to walk in. "Just think about it," she said, turning to face me.

"Ramsey, lets go, South America," I told him. I was dreading having to go find Zac. 

We ported to the last known area where Zac was, and Ramsey just walked off. 


"Fine, just walk the fuck off, it isn't like we are searching for someone in the middle of the fucking city," I muttered to the air as I walked around. 


All of a sudden a purple mist surrounded me and a figure appeared. "Your friend has found the other."


"Who are you?"


"I am your friend's enemy. I come here to remind you, I am still much more powerful than both of you, and to let him know I will start killing everyone he knows and loves." The figure and mist disappeared. 


I walked around for a while until I finally found Ramsey and Zac, who had been talking. I was too distracted to try and listen.


"I love you dude," Ramsey said.


"No, don't love me, its really okay," I said, turning my attention to Zac.

A new story... And a picture

 

My new sig on the Darksiders Forum. Spend all day on it. I think its pretty kick ass if you ask me. 

Oh, and here is a story I've been working on, I will just give you the first small bit of it, its still in the works!

"Where are we going?"

No answer. I looked up to the front of the truck, and saw the man driving. He had no face. Where his nose and his mouth and eyes were supposed to be, it was just a smooth pale surface.

There was nothing to sit on in the back of the truck, I'd woken up on the floor a few seconds before hand. It looked like the inside of an armored car or something of the sort, It was dull grey, and I could feel the bouncing of the truck as it drove.
 

"Where are we going?"
 

Still no response, I don't know how he could talk since he has no mouth, but I wanted to keep asking.
 

"Where are we going?" I started yelling and banging on the bars behind him.
 

He slowly turned around and pointed his pale face at me, then turned back around. I stopped banging and just watched out the front windshield. It was just road. I couldn't see anything in the distance and the sides of the road was just red dirt. I couldn't see past that.
 

I sat back down on the floor of the truck, then I decided to lie down. I closed my eyes and let the bouncing and the monotony of the trip lull me to sleep. I might as well considering the fact that I have no clue where I'm going or who has me.
 

The last thing I remembered was walking out of my house. It was like every other day. I woke up, showered, put on some clothes, and grabbed my phone and left the house. I remember driving. I was listening to the radio. That was the last thing I remembered.

I woke up and checked my pocket. My phone was still in there. I pulled it out and checked service. Nothing. I had my wallet, my keys and my phone. Nothing else. I sat back up and moved over to the front of the truck. Then we stopped. The faceless man got out of the car and I couldn't see where he went.

He was gone for a few minutes, during which I tried to remember more. I can't remember before this morning. I don't remember who I am, or where I'm from. I can't even remember what I do.
I tried to stay calm and walked to the back of the truck. The doors opened. There were now two faceless men, they grabbed me and pulled me out of the truck. The each grabbed me by my arms and walked me into this big bland concrete building.

The sky behind it seemed strange, misty, kind of off setting. We walked up to the side of the concrete building.

"Concrete doesn't open, and I don't know about you but I can't walk through walls," I said, trying to lighten the mood.

They both just looked at me and glared as much as a faceless man can glare. The concrete opened up and we walked inside. The inside of the building was just as grey as the outside. There were jail cells all along the walls, each with the same dimensions. There were cells up the wall as well, I couldn't figure out how they got up there. There were men in the cells, they looked familiar, they all looked so familiar.

They gripped me harder and walked about five cells up, then the concrete beneath us started to rise. We went up twenty cells and the bars opened. They threw me in the cell and then the bars shut right after, the concrete fell and they went back down to the bottom.

"Hey!" I shouted down at them, "Hey! What am I doing here? Where is here? Who am I? Why do they all look like me?" It sounded like my voice was coming from everywhere.

They didn't even turn around.

Lock Up. A Prequel in the Works.

A shadowy figure stood outside the gates of heaven. It would please me to say, for dramatic effect, that it was dark. However, heaven does not have a night time hour, but all the angels were asleep.

The shadowy figure walked up to the gate and grabbed two bars, yelling to be let in. He finally gave up and sat down. There was a creak and one side of the gates opened slightly. The shadowy figure jumped up in excitement, and started in the crack as he was stopped by a hand. An angel emerged. He was smiling.

"Serras, how have you been?" The angel asked, closing the gate behind him.

"Not so great, I want back in there.. Why are you answering the gate?" Serras said.

"We will have a guy for it soon enough. I hope... Anyway, you can't get back in, Michael will kill you."

"No, can't you talk to him, you're like his brother, the other of the first two angels, come on Gabriel, please?"

"I'm sorry, but I have tried. You know Michael, once he gets angry it blows up into rage, and he never lets anything go."

"Fuck."

"Indeed."

They both sat down against the gates, looking straight ahead into the nothingness that lie beyond.

"Well, where else can I go?"

"Hell kicked you out?"

"Well, I left with an understanding that I wasn't supposed to come back."

"Did you try Olympus?"

"Yeah, that worked out for a little while, but they got tired of me."

"Asguard?"

"Played with Thor's Hammer..."

"Hades?"

"Gloom and doom."

"Try earth. I would allow you to go counsel with God but he is busy making city plans for the 1800's on earth. He is getting very specific with them. He has big plans for you though Serras. I don't think he will allow you to slide back into heaven."

"But why not? I can fulfill anything in heaven just as easily as I can on earth."

"No. He wants his story to run perfectly. He has this all planned out. You will serve him well."

"Well shit, I guess I should go then."

"I guess you should."

Gabriel opened up the gate and went back into it, leaving Serras alone. He took one last look at the gates and then snapped his fingers and was on earth.

As the years went by he decided to become a thorn in God's side. He would wipe out whole villages with the blink of an eye and started using them to make his powers grow. His powers expanded until he was more powerful than all but two of the angels. He was on level with Michael and Gabriel, but he wanted more.

He found a small village one sunday morning, somewhere in what is now considered Europe, near Italy. Everyone in the village was in church. He walked up to the church doors and opened them.

There was Michael, standing with wings spread out, flaming sword in one hand, and the other was free. He leapt forward and grabbed Serras by the neck. Serras was still nothing but shadow so he quickly maneuvered his arm into a sword and took it to Michael's throat. He held the tip at Michael, then he used his other arm and stabbed Michael's chest. Michael took flight, staggering back a few feet.

Michael extinguished his sword as Serras was getting up off the ground, then charged towards Serras and stabbed him through the somach. If shadow could show surprise, his face would be lit up with the emotion. There was a gagging sound from Serras then Michael lit his sword and caused a large explosion. Serras flew off over the horizon, while Michael flew backwards into the ground.

Serras landed in what is now London. There were a few small villages there, he killed everyone and hid, knowing Michael would be upon him soon. His two arm blades re-emerged and he was waiting for Michael to land.

Michael flew over looking for Serras then started to land. Luckily his back was to Serras, who flew from his hiding spot and slashed off both of Michael's wings. Michael turned and got one of the blades in his side, causing him to drop his sword. He grabbed Serras's head and screamed to the skies.

Serras was paralyzed and lay on the ground. Michael picked his sword back up and drew a large box around Serras.

Serras was free to move again. He ran over to the edge of the box that Michael had drawn and could not cross it. He burst into a shadowy mist and still could not leave the bounds of the box.

A voice from the heavens came down and said "Serras, I was willing to let you roam the earth and happen into your fate as you should, but it seems that you would not be content unless you were killing off my people, changing my future, and yours as well. You will be trapped inside this area of earth for the rest of your life. You will become weaker as time goes by and eventually you will die."

Gabriel then descended from the heavens, wrapped his arm around Michael and started pulling him back up.

"Only one can set you free. He will lead you to your great destiny. You have sealed your fate. Fear not though, you will be out soon." Gabriel screamed down to Serras as he was ascending with an unconscious Michael.

Serras could barely make it out but Michael's wings were growing back slowly. He sat down in his box and began to think.

How to write a succesful Hip-Hop song

Step 1: Make a beat. It doesn't have to be a good beat, just has to have some sort of rhythm.

Step 2: Make two sentences. Both of these sentences should be short, lacking any real nouns and it is best if they don't make sense.

Step 3: Repeat at least one word in those two sentences rapidly to the beat, or faster than the beat.

Step 4: Repeat this whole process, add in a few phrases and words that don't make sense. Mentioning drugs, alcohol, college, and prostitutes usually helps the popularity of a song.

Apparently if you eat a twix all women become complete morons... Part 68

I stood up. 

"Ser, if I ever write a story about this, I'm not going to use a sentence like 'I stood up,' instead I'll say something like 'I launched into the air.'" 

Of course you will.

"I don't understand why you have to be so sarcastic."
 
"I don't understand why you are so fucked up..." War commented, drawing attention back to him.

War seemed aggitated and went ahead and started the fight. 

"That's really not fair, jumping into a fight when the other person isn't really ready," I said, jumping backwards, throwing three portals in front of me to random crowded areas on Earth. He pulled out his two guns and shot in my direction hitting people in all three of these areas and one came in and hit my shielded left arm. 

"Yeah, but you kind of initiated it by 'leaping into the air,'" he retorted.

"Um, it was launched."

I didn't like the shield movement so I decided to change it to what the right arm was. I was now bulked up on my shoulders and pectoral muscles, and hunched over with two red glowing eyes and massive long finger-claws, and arms that have long curved spikes going back up towards me growing in size as they got towards the shoulders. 

A few seconds later Death teleported out of the room again. I figured out he had to leave everytime someone died. God that's a bitch. 

War finished emptying each clip, the bullets didn't go through my armoring. He pulled out the swords frim his waist. He came at me slicing, I was just blocking for a while with my claws, and I saw the perfect timing to just go ahead and get his heart. 

Death popped back into the room right as I was going to get War's heart. I got slightly distracted and War chopped off my right arm as I was going for his heart. 

Fortunately with all this new power, I just regenerated the arm like it was, grabbed the chopped off arm and waved it at War, scratching his face. Death burst out into laughter. I lunged in with both arms this time, using the left arm to block so I could get his heart. 

War looked surprised as he fell over, dead. I portaled the heart away. 

Death approached me. I made five portals around me and killed people in each one. I then shut them.

"Oh you prick," Death screamed, swinging his scythe and jamming it into the side of my head. The bottom of the psythe was touching the ground and my head was right next to the top of the pole. He then teleported away as I fell to the ground. 

Darkness. I've been seeing too much of this recently. There was nothing. Blackness. Pure nothing. I woke up. I stood up, which was difficult in and of itself with a scythe sticking out of my head. When I stood up I could only see a small area around me. I started walking until I saw Death return. I pulled a twix out of my pocket, because I needed a moment. When I did, I told death to sit down and talk to me. We talked a lot. I don't really remember much of what he said, it was all hazy. Everything started going fuzzy. Then the light started showing in.

"POKEMON BABIES," I screamed as I woke up. 

"Where in the fuck do pokemon babies come from?" Death said, standing over me, looking slightly perplexed. "Here, let me help you up." 

"No, its cool. I know that'd kill me, nice try though," I said standing up. 

"So, where do pokemon babies come from?" 

"Pokemon..."

"I know, where like anatomically? They don't have the appropriate orifices."

Pokemon can't have babies. They reproduce asexually.

"Don't start that, they would have to be budding or something which I never saw a pokemon do," 
 Death was exasperated.

"Um guys? Why are we talking about pokemon babies?"

"You screamed it when you woke up." 

"Ah, can we discuss this over food or something? I have a sudden urge for twix."

"Sure, lets fight later."

We portaled out to get some food and came back.

"So, how'd you kill those people without the scythe?"

"Touch 'em"
 
"Oh yeah," I was eating my twix. 

"I don't really like twix" 

"I usually don't, in fact I hate them, but I had a dream about it so, I kinda craved them. So the touching people things, what about when you..."

"When I what?"

"Masturbate?"

"I...never tried."

Oh, dude, it rocks.

"Um, I don't think that'd kill me."
 
"Why don't you try?"

Death shook his head, and walked around a corner in the stoney area, about twenty minutes later I walked around to check, making sure Hades was still sitting on the throne by going ahead and killing him. Took his heart and ate it. 

Walking around the corner we saw Death, lying on the floor, I materialized a couple of swords and cut his heart out and tossed it into a portal.

Hell of a way to die.

"Yeah, just like ever man on earth wants to go," I remarked, opening a portal and going back to hell to greet Grief. 
 
I walked in and hugged Mary.

"Everything been okay here?" I asked.

"Yeah, no one caused any trouble," Mary said smiling.

"Grief?"

"Exactly as she says my lord. I found the one you wanted."

"One? I asked you to find Ramsey and Adrienne."

"Well, Ramsey, I found, Adrienne was not with him."

"Shit... find out what you can about who killed her when you get a chance."

"Adrienne is dead?" Mary asked.

"I doubt Ramsey would have left her anywhere," I replied, "Where was he?"

"When I found him he was passed out on some ice," Grief replied.
 
"God dammit Ramsey, stop sleeping in the snow," I said. "Also, I need to meet with the other generals. Who is most qualified to run another realm for me?"

"My opinion, Horror. But you might want to send him with Fear." 

"Cryptic names you all have, okay, well send them to Hades to rule in my place. Mary, stay here and run things like they have been going, don't let the demons know I've been back, I still need to get the rest of them."

I sorted the rest out and then was off to find Ramsey.

Where are the horses? Part 64

I made sure Mary had everything under control in Hell. As I was leaving I called General Grief to me to straighten out the last few details. 

"Grief, I need you to do some things for me," I said. 

"Anything for you master," he replied, bending his head in a small bow.

"First, I need you to prepare a room for two. Ramsey and Adrienne, he is going to be taking the place of Famine. Please prepare the room to whatever you may be their liking, and then track him down. I need you to find him and have him followed until I get back. Can you do that?" 

"Yes sir."

"Second, if anyone lays a hand, claw, foot or anything else on Mary I'll torture them, kill them, bring them back from the void, torture and kill them again. I will not tolerate anything while I'm gone. You are to protect her at all costs and make sure the rest of the demons and minions stay in line. She is their queen and she damn well better be respected."

"Think nothing of it master, I swear she will be safe."

I took his promise and opened up a portal to Hades. I waved goodbye to Mary who was in her throne talking to a demon about some internal business. I nodded to Grief and hopped through the portal. 

When I got there, some figure that I assumed was Hades was sitting in a throne and four mean surrounded him. The one standing right next to his throne on the left was wearing a black cloak. He had a scythe and I only assumed he was Death. 

The man standing to the right of him was dressed in a red cloak, he had short white hair and two large hand guns, one on each side. He had two broad swords strapped next to each holster, and two ninja katanas strapped to his back in an 'X' shape. War.


The man on the left sitting down in front of the throne was dressed in tannish pale robes, He didn't have his arms out, but rather inside his arms, so I didn't know exactly what he looked like, his robes concealed everything. I thought he may be Pestilence.

The fourth man was robed in grey. The robes hung out off of his body so I could not tell how large he was. He looked kind of ragged, and I had to think he was Famine.

"He sends a kid? We threaten his reign and he sends a kid?" Hades seemed kind of insulted.

Death lept up, "I have to go for a minute, sorry."

Then he disappeared. 

"Um... where'd he go?" I asked.

He is death. He has to kill people. 

"Ah, fair point." 

"Well, you have come to kill us," said Pestilence, "So we will have to kill you first." He grinned and jumped up. His arms came out of his robes and I saw needles inside his robes as they fell around him. 

I ripped my shirt off. 

Why do you rip off your shirt when you are just going to armor up?

"First rule of shirt ripping, don't talk about shirt ripping."

Oh great, a fight club joke. that's awesome.

"Sarcasm duly noted Ser. That sound doesn't fit you buddy."

"Shut up! Lets just fight." Pestilence screamed.

Fuck armor right now, I can do this. I materialized two swords and ran at him. I jumped as he shot out needles from his sleeves. I dodged the needles in the air, just in time, but I lost my course and slashed out stabbing him with one of the blades and falling over when I landed. I skidded to a halt and rose back up. 

Death popped back up next to the throne and stood. Watching. 

Luckily my stab had Pestilence on the ground so I flipped over and stabbed him with the other one, pulling out the first blade and cutting off his head. I armored my left arm and jammed it in the wound on his neck, grabbed his heart and pulled it out. I portaled it to a room I had set up previously to hold them after I obtained the hearts. 

Famine jumped up and shot his robes out at me,  catching my armored arm. I twisted and struggled and I couldn't get free, I jumped in the air and wrapped famine's robe around his neck. I covered my right arm in armor and made a claw and grabbed the wall, pulling famine up with his own robe by his neck. 

I shot a small stringy tentacle down the robe and chopped off his head with a smooth motion. I grabbed his heart the same way and tossed it back in the portal. 

War stepped forward. I was about to fight War. I armored up. I set large curved spikes coming out the outside of my right arm, I made more and more material appear, looking as muscles layered on top of me, moving smoothly, I bulked up as much as possible in the chest so I coult try and avoid any major injuries, and then I concentrated, I shot electricity around me and pumped myself up, I ran fire around as well. My left arm grew wider and the length of it became a three foot wide shield. I jammed it into the ground, stretching my back muscles and rose up with both eyes glowing red.

i cant post tonight

I'm sorry. I can't write the story tonight, you'll have it tomorrow.

So long as I'm here, no furniture shall be left unbroken.

I picked up Darksiders this morning, and I have to say I'm very pleased with it so far. I haven't gotten really deep into it yet, but thats alright, the gameplay is kind of like an easier God of War and the storyline is completely fucking awesome. 

The currency in this game is souls. Different souls also give you wrath (they are enraging souls...) and others give you health. You play as War who went down when he thought he was summoned to kick some ass and start the apocalypse, but he was too early and the ass kicking had begun without him. He was blamed for this mistake and decides to figure out who did it, rather than get the death penalty. Fun stuff. The cinematics are pretty awesome and the different back story as to Heaven and Hell is really cool. I like the way it is designed, and I will read the comic I got for pre-ordering it later and let you know how that is. It's a pretty thick comic.

When you kill an enemy they usually drop souls. This is understandable as the remaining demons and angelic beings are collecting souls for themselves. However, when you destroy furniture or cars or any other part of the destructable environment, you also get souls. A table, when beaten to death by your sword, gives you three souls. Yay. Table haters.

Speaking of souls as currency, I got Demon's Souls about a week ago, and I was kicking ass pretty well until I get to the seventh boss, and I'm pretty much stuck on all levels. I'll get through it though, its a fun game and if you haven't already read enough about it or if you are unsure to spend the 60 bucks on it, I say go for it, it is well worth your money, the graphics are beautiful and the story is pretty solid, and the time reward for having it is incredible. There are multiple playthroughs, and you have an online experience like i've never...well, experienced before in a game.


Anyway, thats all I got, see ya later.

Sorry for the delay...

Sorry for the delay, the Knight is out of town, and as of yesterday so is The Russian. I don't know exactly where Dr. Orange is, but sometime in the next week or so we are going to be back on track when we should be. There will be more posts for the story and other stuff as well. We are also going to finish editing our first volume that we can give to anyone who would like it. We will finish it up soon enough.

We are also going to make a few more changes to the blog, and add some cool pictures and stuff representing us. Anyway...

...see you later space cowboy.

Too Much Drama Part 60

"Mary, we're leaving." I said as I walked into our room.

"Why?" she asked, "The food is good, the gods are nice, we're protected from anyone trying to kill us seeing as how this is supposed to be nuetral ground and all."

"No, too much drama, we're going home."


"Italy? Birmingham? Where?"

"Hell. Go get some nectar and ambrosia in a doggy bag." 

"Okay... but Stewart?"

"What?" 

"What do we do about Zach and Ramsey and Alex? They aren't going to be happy to see you when they see you."

"We'll deal with that as it happens." 

She left and got the nectar and ambrosia and all the gods and goddesses came to say goodbye. Ares didn't show up, they said he had business to attend to, but I was really wondering if that was true. How can they not just be happy in this fucking utopia and stop all the drama? Maybe that's why God left so early. 

Once we got packed up we left, and went back to hell. Fuck, this place needs a lot of work. 

We got down to it. Mary helped me organize all the demons, and get my top of command in line. We had the new soul intake system going pretty well, incidentally only Christians or people who called themselves that, went to hell for deserving it. It was really dependent on your faith. 

"Well, we got all this going pretty well. Say what about the nine circles of hell?" Mary asked.

"I don't know, I mean I see this one which is our palace and army, so I guess they are outside of us, where the souls go after we take them in. We can check on that later." I told her.


Then we went to work on the palace, since Mary will be staying here more than I will I let her do all the aesthetic designing. She chose the colored flames for our bedroom walls, and skeletons as the stair posts. I love this girl. 


She redecorated everything except the throne room, which we did together. I rose another throne, and smashed it next to mine. and the flames raged around us. There was an orb like Hermes had right next to the throne, and I managed to summon up some crowns of devilish worthiness. 


Hey, how are we going to separate this power?

"What do you mean?" I was slightly confused.


Well, you have half of Dracula's army, you have all of Satan's power and his mantle, and you are gaining strength with me daily. 

"Well, I don't know, it isn't like I don't do what you want, or like you don't do what I want, so is there a problem?"


I guess not. I do think we need a kick ass coronation party since you haven't been here in a while.

"Ha, okay you can do the honors though."


We summoned up half of Dracula's army, we summoned all of the highest ranking demons and their legions, we summoned all the souls, and they stood behind Mary and myself, all staring at the thrones. I led her to the throne by bowing and point my arm in that direction, she went and sat down, to which our highest general, Grief, crowned her, and then I went and sat on my throne. I relaxed, spread my legs and slouched. Grief put the crown on my head and Ser's voice boomed out.


Hellions, minions, souls and other evil creatures from the inner depths of hell. You have a new leader, a leader that killed The Count of Transylvania, a leader that killed your old master, both in fact at the same time, and in a split second. You have a  new leader, he who brought peace to Heaven and Hell, he who shall save the world from all torturous acts and make us into a true utopia. He will reign, Stewart, Lord of Darkness, forever.

"Sweet speech," I whispered.


No problem.

The whole hall clapped and hooted and some other noises that i'm not even sure there are words for. They were happy at my promise, they were going to be led by my hand forever. Mary and I were now immortals. We were gods. We are the King and Queen of the Damned, the Lord and Lady of Darkness, the Evil that possesses the world. We were together. And we were happy.


Grief came down and nealt at our feet. "Sir, and lady, we the army of hell swear our allegiance to you through whatever may come. Our army may finally grow stronger that we will not be perishing at the hands of the angels. We are ready to die for you my lord."


Mary looked at me, and said "I've never been a queen before..."


"Go ahead and say it, I know you're dying to." I whispered. 


Mary then stood up and shouted across the hall "LET THEM EAT CAKE!!" and I made tables rise from the ground and we feasted, for a few straight days, we had every food and body part on the menu. Infinite amounts of food, 


After most all the demons and souls had left, my orb started glowing. I picked it up and asked Ser "How in the hell do I answer this thing? There are no buttons..."


Just think it answered.

"Ah, of course, yeah..." I thought the orb to stop glowing and tell me what it wanted and God was on the other end. 


"I have a favor I need to ask of you Lord Stewart."


Mary looked over at me questioningly.


"What is it?" I asked.


"I need horsemen."


"How many? I can' pull as many soldiers as you need."


"Not demons, horsemen."


"What? How many?"


"Four."


"Oh."


"Be Death, take his mantle as well and be the new Death. Gather me the other horsemen, I think you know who they should be. Just know this, you will have to kill all four of them. Save War's, Famine's and Pestilence's mantles, give them to Alex, Ramsey and Zach. They have betrayed me and I know not who else to ask." 


"You're english is kinda screwy, of course I'll go get more power for you. I'd love to, look, can I have a mobile orb? That way Mary can hold down the fort here and she isn't in danger at all, but can still reach me when she needs to. Also, where might these horsemen be? And why is death working for you?"


"Yes, there is a mobile orb in your bed chamber..."


"Hold on, you were in my bed chamber?"


"I'm everywhere."


"Creepy, go on."


"I am in charge of the four horsemen by vote of the leaders of every dimension. They have betrayed me and gone to Hades. He is giving Hades new souls in exchange for more power. The others followed him into this deal and they will not do their job correctly. I fear it is time for them to retire."


"I want it in writing that you won't do this same thing to me when I'm death, and that you will protect me and Mary no matter what."


"Done." 


"Okay, lets do this. Hades away."


Then I hung up the orb.


Mary asked "Weren't we supposed to go to Hades earlier?"


"Yeah, but I forgot we had a lot of stuff to do here, so I thought we would go there after anyway, but now we have a reason to."

"Be careful."


"I will, ready for this Ser?"


Fuck yeah, lets go kick some deadly ass.